Ineptitude

As much as I yearn for social interaction, I consistently find myself feeling anxious when they actually become available.

Usually I become very nervous as I'm uncertain of the progression of the conversation. Especially the case when I'm talking to someone "new". Once the conversation began, I will worry about how to end it nicely to avoid any potential awkwardness. So you see even before the conversation started I'm already thinking of ending it ==. I really don't know where this "performance anxiety" stems from. On one hand I am keen know it's good to form new relations, yet on the other I am tired of observing the social protocols that leads to the formation of such a new relation. I suppose in a world that works the way I want, people skip the introduction and start hugging and connect on a personal level immediately. So I suppose what I truly want was not so much social interaction but some intimate (YES! Intimacy is the word!) person-to-person, one-on-one...talk. Perhaps not just talk.

Now that I consolidated my anxiety into a blog post, what I need to do is to let the conversation happen "naturally" (Nothing is natural. Everything is cultural.) instead of worrying about it. But that's always better written than done.