Tuesday, December 14, 2010

STPM 14/12/2010

Had physics paper 1 this morning, followed by maths in the afternoon.


Barely slept last night. Don't know why, the mind just couldn't stop thinking and kept spiralling into inconsequential matters.


Anyway,

2010 STPM Physics 960/1, Question 43


An air wedge formed by placing a thin metal foil between two glass slides is shown in the diagram below.

(this is not the actual diagram shown in the exam paper.)

When the air wedge is illuminated normally by light of wavelength 670nm, the dark fringes appears at both ends of the glass slides. If the thickness of the metal foil is 60.3 um, what is the number of dark fringes formed?

A. 89
B. 91
C. 179
D. 181
----------------------------

First calculated answer: 180 =.=

Try another formula: 179.5 :o

Try another method: 180.5 >.<


keksiwah ah......

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* Image of "air wedge" extracted from

http://www.physics.upenn.edu/courses/gladney/phys151/lectures/images/young_prob_37-17.gif



Thursday, December 02, 2010

STPM

The exam didn't go well. I messed up all the science papers 2. It was horrible. I never suffered so much while answering exam questions.

I was revising for Biology paper 1 (objective questions) yesterday. Again it struck on me how insensible the questions can be. Sometimes I seriously feel that the exam questions test my exam skills instead of knowledge or anything close to that.

While I was doing some past year questions, I felt that some of the people who set the questions obviously lacked 逻辑概念 (logical concept). For example,

STPM 2008 Biology Paper1

25. What is injected into the body of a person bitten by a dog?

A. Dead bacteria
B. Weakened viruses
C. Serum containing antigens
D. Serum containing specific antibodies

My first response to this question was:
huh? What is injected ah? Dog saliva? Dog can inject one meh? Not snake ah?

Of course, the official answer is D. I think the antibodies is injected as a precaution for rabies (狂犬病?)。What annoys me is the presumptuous attitude of the question. How I know what is GOING TO BE injected ah? Maybe the doctor gila, he inject insulin, cannot ah!

Maybe the victim is a drug user, he inject coccaine, you choy meh!

I mean, can't they just rephrase the question into:

"What is the content of the injection prescribed/administered to a patient who has just been bitten by a dog?"

I know la, my English not good....but at least the meaning gets clearer right?

Of course la....there would still be fussy students who claim that the "content" should be water.

>.<

--------------------------------
Then, I was actually lol-ing when I read this question in the morning.

STPM 2010 Biology Paper 1

34. In a population of 100 000 chickens in a farm, 1000 died due to the chicken influenza virus. By assuming that the virus resistance gene is dominant, how many chickens in the farm are carriers of the recessive gene?

This sounds like the "on the tree got 3 birds. Somebody use gun shoot down 1 bird, still got how many left on tree?" riddle, doesn't it?

So I was joyfully contemplating whether I should include the dead chickens into my count, lol-ing for a few seconds.
Thank goodness, there is no such ambiguity in the answer choices.

Just in case you might be interested, the answer choices to the above question are:

A. 1000
B. 10000
C. 18000
D. 90000

(Bonus mark: Assumption 2: All recessive phenotypes will be infected and will die once infected.)

-------------------
Oh. Whatever. I hate Pengajian Am.

Monday, November 15, 2010

死英国佬

(edit: apparently it is a New Zealand company.)

Monday, November 08, 2010

Classification

Kind professors cannot often fail good students.
Kingdom, phylum, class, order, family, genus, species.

Part of my STPM Biology practicals involves collecting insect specimens and checking out the names of their respective orders. I won't say I enjoyed this (group) assignment, but I did try (at the beginning) to make the most out of it. I have an irrational fear of animals, which might range from sponges to sapiens, so I was not keen enough to examine the insects the group caught. Anyhow, I chanced upon Anthony Wootton's 'Insects of the World' last year, which I bought as I thought the book would be helpful in finding the names of the insects, which it proved to be. Through reading this book I've learnt the names of some major insect orders, like the ones that follow:

Orthoptera (includes crickets, grasshoppers, locusts.)

Locust, the insect I dread most. My first capture of this creature involved a 10-minute contemplation before I summoned enough bravery to move my insect nest and somehow force it to crawl into a container through a small opening. No direct contact throughout the process: not even through the plastic bag.

Hymenoptera (includes bees, wasps, ants etc)

Odonata (dragonflies and damselflies)

One new knowledge I gained out of this assignment is that "dragonflies" actually comprise of damselfly, which include the "small dragonflies", and dragonfly, which are the "big dragonflies".

This is probably a species of damselfly, now critically endangered, and endemic to the area around a lake in Africa. (I might actually be giving wrong information. Readers discretion advised.)

A dragonfly from Sabah, according to the source of this image. (Please don't sue me.)

Lepidoptera (includes butterflies and moths)

According to Wootton (1984), "until recently, science followed the popular practice of grouping this well-studied order into two divisions -sia the ...(butterflies) and the ...(moths). This, however, has been superseded and the whole order is now divided into four suborders. The butterflies comprise two superfamilies ... and, together with the more advanced moths, make up the suborder Ditrysia; the more primitive moths are placed in the suborders Zeugloptra, Dacnonypha and Monotrysia." He further explained that structural and behavioural differences between butterflies and moths are not clear-cut, and that classification "now more accurately reflects butterflies' relationships with moths, notably on the basis of wing venation and genitalia."

The Atlas Moth, largest moth in the world, is common in the Malay Archipelago (Wiki, 2010). I guess common should be an appropriate word, since I've seen it twice in my life in a rural area up north. I know it's harmless, but still I wouldn't dare to let it rest on my fingers like the person in the picture.

Phasmida (includes Stick-Insects and Leaf-Insects)

I also clarified one misconception after reading the insect book I mentioned above. Previously I was under the impression that leaf-insects are special types of praying mantis, which they are not, I now believe. Found in greatest number in South-East Asia (kudos!), leaf insects and stick-insects are predominantly vegetarian, in contrast with the praying mantis which I assume to be carnivorous. Speaking of praying mantis, if you're still with me, we're getting close to some interesting classification.

----------------------------------------------
Dictyoptera

My STPM text (by Lee Ching and J. Arunasalam) is kind of wish-washy regarding the classification of cockroaches, possibly indicative of some unresolved arguments among taxonomists, in my irresponsible opinion. Lee or J. Arunasalam (I don't know who) implies that cockroaches come under the order Dictyoptera, but on the same page says "some taxonomists place cockroaches in the order Blattaria."

Anyway, I didn't really care, because no classification scheme is absolute or final, as they are artificial creation which reflects our understanding of the relatioships among different species, and are hence subject to change as new data become available; and perhaps more importantly, "exam won't ask one la."


So anyway, according to Wotton, Dictyoptera comprises of COCKROACHES AND MANTIDS! Kind of arbitrary isn't it? I mean, do you ever relate cockroaches to mantids? Well, both of these creatures have downwardly directed triangular heads, and deposit their eggs in oothecae; but despite the reading, I still don't normally relate the two creatures, although I consciously know they are somewhat closely related.

It was weeks later, that I realized I had incorporated this classification into my worldly understanding (世界观). Let's see what I mean by that:

Yesterday midnight, when I was to put my schoolbag beside the front door, I saw a cockroach crawling around, very slowly. Apparently it didn't notice my presence. More because of my fear than curiosity, I stood 3 metres away to observe the cockroach. It was moving so slowly, that I'm sure I would be able to see movements of its every appendage if I had paid attention. The cockroach crawled along the wall, before it stumbled upon the front door and squeezed itself out of the house through the crevice between the door and the floor. (omg..so wordy...)

When I was watching the cockroach, suddenly the image of a mantis popped out of my mind. The image of the mantis in the above picture. It was almost spontaneous without any conscious effort. I interpret this to mean that my subconscious mind has already accepted the associaton between cockroaches and mantids, just like it accepts lions, tigers and leapords as "cats".

This prompts me to think about the origin of so many facts we "know" and our perceptions of the world which we hold dearly as truths -- male, female; men, women; gay, straight, bisexual, pansexual, asexual, autosexual; bumiputera, bukan-bumiputera; moral, immoral; Aren't truths built on our classification and association of things? To say that a system has a potential energy of 123 J means associating that system with the energy value; to say that something is good is to associate it with a moral value. I am surprised how easily I have internalized the relationship between mantids and cockroaches. Never will I see mantids and cockroaches the same way again. Just one reading already sufficed to print the impression into my mind.

What about the "truths" we have been taught? We much have we internalized, and later undid? Internalized homophobia? 一白遮三丑?The association between black and evil?

------------------------------------------------
* ahh.....my english.....i cannot finish this post.
* There are at least 20 other insect orders which are not mentioned in this post, most notably Coleoptera (the beetles, which is the largest order of the animal kingdom.), Hemiptera (bugs), and Diptera (mosquitoes and flies). These are the orders I agak-agak know la. Others I dunno liao.

Sunday, November 07, 2010

Geographical Isolation

In Penang.

Me: Hi?

Woman: erm.....hi?

Me: We've met before. At Taylor's.

Woman: OHHH! Tha't why, I was thinking who't that guy over there.

Me: Haha. You came all the way from KL to take the test?

Woman: Yeah. You came from KL too?

Me: No, I'm from Kedah.

Woman: ohh...I see.....but then why not come to KL?

Me: erm....because it's nearer here?

(silence. Bird fly pass...)

Woman: .....wait.....Kedah. oh yeah. YEAH! OH MY GOSH!!! okokok.....
-----------------------------------------------

女:你看....一眼望去,就看得出哪一些是华校生了。

男:是咯。哈哈。

女:很明显咯!

男:是咯。

女:还有那些,国际学校的。

女:喂,他们跟我们同年的吗,zomok样子这样老的。

男:样子成熟。我觉得我比很多大gok....(feeling very insecure)

女:真的吗!!!
------------------------------------------
Woman: I'm taking SAT2, taking SAT1 next month.

Me: Oh.

Woman:You taking the subject tests as well?

Me: No I'm taking SAT1; she's taking SAT2.

Woman: Oh. What subjects are you taking?

女:Physics, Mathematics 2, Chemistry.

(从略)

Woman: I'm taking Biology, Maths, and Chinese with listening.

女:You taking Chinese?

Woman: Yeah. I've been learning Chinese for more than 10 years.So....How about you?

Me: Oh. I speak Chinese too. (显然是答错问题。)

Woman: err....ok. You know their Chinese questions ah....It's very easy. Just like:

你吃饱了吗?

A. 你好吗。
B. 我吃饱了。
C. 谢谢。
D. 再见!

WHAT THE HELL right?

Me: yeah.
---------------------------------------------------

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Thoughts In Car

Don't act straight.

Don't act gay.

Act good.




I mean.....do good acts.

--------------------------------

Monday, October 25, 2010

Timed Essay

People who travel to another country to live, work or study for a period of time often suffer badly from homesickness.

Why is this?

What are the best ways to reduce this problem?

(>250 words, 40 minutes)
------------------------------------------------------------------
While it is often a wonderful experience to experience life in another country due to work or study, homesickness is also a common problem one has to deal with.

People become homesick because they miss their home - the familiarity with the old living environment, the food and the people who have been present in our lives are suddenly unavailable to us when we travel to a distant land. Once arriving at a foreign land, the traveller needs to familiarise himself with the environment. There are new people to meet, new names to remember, new streets to travel on, and different social customs to observe. All these draw a great deal of energy from the traveller. The traveller may find the new experience exciting at first, but the new experience may soon become an emotional burden when the traveller cannot grasp the "rules" of the country. He may start to compare this new environment with that in his own country and find fault in the customs or values of the new country, which he could not change. The tension between the individual and his living environment translates into helplessness, and the traveller may miss the comfort of the familiarity he enjoys in his home country. The situation is aggravated when the traveller is struggling with a new language, as the language obstacle may prevent him from establishing new relationships and communicating his distress.

Although homesickness may be a scary experience, the good news is that it is often temporary, and will subsede (correction: subside)) as the traveller familiarise himself with the environment. To ease homesickness during this transition period, the traveller should try to make friends as soon as arriving at a new country. The traveller should also get himself acquainted with the expatriate or international student community, because coming from a similar background and having been through a similar problem, they could be a source of emotional support. Apart from that, the traveller should always be open-minded and refrain from comparing the society in the foreign country with his homecountry, and acknowledge that the cultural differences he observe will add to his learning experience. To further ease his homesickness, the traveller is advised to establish a routine in the foreign country in order to regain a sense of familiarity he enjoys in his home country. This could be frequenting the same restaurant for lunch, playing sports regularly with new friends and focusing on his work.

In most cases, homesickness are manageable and will eventually transform into a positive experience and contribute to the personal growth of the traveller. Therefore, one should never let the prospect of homesickness scare them away from studying or working in another country.
-------------------------------------------------
(448 words, 50 minutes)

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Down

I feel down again.

Failure.

Procrastination.

Trying to be something more than I can.

Yet always procrastinate.

hmmph.

Although got plan B, plan C, plan D......

Now that I begin to seriously evaluate it, it's not really even a plan.....

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Sunday, October 17, 2010

If the Uncle-Auntie found out I'm gay...

Uncle 2: 我讲了,男生一定要做运动的.....不可以整天读书读书。

Auntie 1: 不然我们去问神看...

Auntie 6: 同性恋到底是hamik来?

Uncle 4: 再多一阵子我要给程程学taekwondoe了。

Auntie 3: zomik A aneh kuan4 (福建话) [为什么会这样。]

Auntie 5: 没有什么的啦!

Female cousin 1: 他小时候是不是发生过什么事情?

Female cousin 2: 到底什么事情?

Male cousin 3: Then, 他有男朋友了吗?

Cousin-in-law-soon-to-be 3: 以后我不要只生一个。

Male cousin 1: 在美国啊.....

Male cousin 2: zomok 这样har? 读男校的事kot.

Female cousin 4: 不过以前啊,我读中学的时候,他那间学校的学生....不知道zomok啦,跟女生讲话怪怪的咯。

---------------------------------------------------
* 凭空想像。自娱娱人。
* 我没有自大到认为全天下都会关心我同性恋的事。

Tuesday, October 05, 2010

*ahem*

OMG I just need to shout it out somewhere.



OH MY GOD WHY I SO CHIKO???!!

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

I also want to play......

Now, here's what you're supposed to do, and please DO NOT spoil the fun. Copy and paste this into your notes, delete my answers, type in your answers and tag 20 of your friends here in Facebook to answer this. Then see what happens.

If you're a guy - post this as "my kind of girl"

If you're a girl - post it as "my kind of guy"

To whichever gender you prefer, really.

-----------------------------------------------------------

My Kind of Guy/Boy/Man


1. Do you need him/her to be good looking?
I always think that given a suitable watching distance all men are pretty. Looks are just bonus once the threshold is crossed. (昧着良心)

2. Smart?
Can be as smart as he is, but must let me be smarter than him in some aspects.


3. Preferred age?
Around my age would be nice?


4. Preferred height?
Slightly taller than me, but then it won't really matter even if he's shorter than me. In fact there's one beautiful guy, omg, whom I've had my eyes on, who is just a bit shorter than me.


5. How about sense of humor?
Not necessary.

6. How about piercings?
Don't really like them.


7. Accepts you for who you are?
No need to accept me 100%. 80% will do.


8. Pink hair?
It's not my favourite colour, because it reminds me of the fever syrup I disliked as a child. For sexual-political reasons however, I do intentionally choose the colour. (My handphone is pink by the way.) Maybe when there's a gay pride march around. But, well, if I like him, and he likes pink...

9. Mushy, or not?
Test and see.


10. Thin or fat?
Can I answer "built"? haha. Well, I'm a thin guy. I do prefer a thin guy (if built is not an option), but a little oil hurts nobody.


11. Black, Brown, Yellow or White (skin color)?
I am inclined to think that due to some sort of inferiority complex induced throughout the collonial era into our collective memory, most of us prefer white over the other darker colours. BUT, I admit I have no idea how true this is, since Chinese also say 一白遮三丑。So not sure whether the mindset has been there all the while or is just a recent phenomenon.
So anyway --- brown, yellow, white.
Out of political correctness by the way --- omg there's one cute Indian fella in my Biology tuition class.

12. Long hair or short hair?
Neutral.


13. Plastic or metal?
Don't understand >.<>

15. Smoker?
Preferrably not.


16. Drinker?
Still neutral.


17. Girl/Boy-next-door type?
Can. Neutral though.


18. Muscular?
Can. But again, neutral.


19. Plays piano?
Can. But neutral.


20. Plays bass and/or acoustic guitar?
Can.


21. Plays violin?
Can.

22. Sings very well?
Can! Very sexy!

23. Vain?
Can.

24. With glasses?
Can.


25. With braces?
Can.


26. Shy type?
Can. But neutral. Oh by the way, the beautiful guy whom I talked about is not the shy type...But I'm shy in general. haiz.


27. Rebel or good boy/girl?
Can be rebellious. But must buy my vanilla-gay-couple fantasy.


28. Active or passive?
This is a loaded question. I refuse to answer in public.


29. Singer or dancer?
Neutral.


30. Dimples?
Neutral.


31. Bookworm?
Can.

32. Mr/Ms. love letter?
Can.


33. Playful?
Can.


34. Religious?
Must love me more than his religion.
(Wait, this sounds kind of selfish, it's like wanting the boyfriend to let go of his principles for me, which is not really possible for most people? Anyway I'm not attached to a religion myself, so it really shouldn't matter.) How about deistic?
---------------------------------------
That's all folks.

Friday, September 24, 2010

STPM Trial

Hello people. It seems like I have abandoned my blog. Been quite busy with some paper works and exams recently. In fact I'm currently in the midst of my STPM trial at the time of writing, of which I trust most of you are aware.

I've just drunk coffee, and I'm quite "high" at the moment. I usually drink coffee when I need to do my revisions or attend my physics tuition class. You know, the activities that demand focus of the mind. I'm really bad at paying attention, partly due to my laziness. The way I study or do my homework, is like I'll study 15 minutes, then walk here and there in the house for 45 minutes, then study again for half an hour, then it's time for dinner. After dinner, relax for 1 hour, then study for another hour. So people, I cheat you not when I say I only study at most 2 hours per day. But since this is the trial exam, I tried to work a little bit harder, by studying from 11:00p.m. to around 4:30 the next morning, for both Chemistry and Physics. (For two consecutive nights, God forbid!)

I've already sat for the pure Maths paper. This Wednesday when I was in the staff room, the math teacher who marks our paper talked to me about my answering style again. According to most teachers, I "follow my own way" when I answer the questions. I'm too lazy to defend myself. And I know people including myself would think that the teachers showed concern for me by reminding* me to answer according to the marking scheme. But the situation gets so disappointing when I realize I couldn't change my "style" amidst the constant reminder*.
* AND I CAN SWEAR TO YOU IT'S MORE THAN A GENTLE REMINDER!

I literally marked my own Maths paper 2 of the Mid-year exam, because the teacher (Lim) said he couldn't read my answers because I "never follow" his way. Yeah, bloody hell! The comments he made made me so humiliated, and of course, I flamed him back and told him I would come back later to mark the paper, as I really needed time to cool down at that moment. On my way to my classroom I was sobbing already.

After regaining my composure, I went back to his office again. I had persuaded myself to think that the reason he wanted me to mark my paper was to make me understand the marking scheme and try to adhere to it the next time. Things go quite well initially. Whenever I was unsure of the marks allocation I would confirm it with him.

When I finished marking I told him I would not write down the total marks, because only a teacher could do that. He insisted me to write down the marks, and I did. In the process of persuading I tried to argue politely. I was close to pleading but to no avail. So in the end I gave myself a 85 out of 100 which I thought I truly deserve. (At some parts I was unsure of the marks I was supposed to get, but the teacher just wouldn't tell me how to give the marks, saying that I could just give any marks I think I deserve, I was so tulan, so I gave myself full marks for those questions.)

(The way I write it makes me appears like a saint. >.<)
And we did manage to say out what we thought about each other before I left the room all shattered to pieces.

老师:我这个人是这样的。什么事情我最多只讲两次罢了。第三次我就是用打,或者我不要采那个人了。你进来(form 6)时我就跟你讲了,去年九月讲你讲到现在,你还是没有改。我早就放弃你了。

Me: Oh, please don't give up on me....(苦笑)

老师:没有,我早就放弃你了。上课我教书时你没有听,做自己的东西。

Me: 那个是去年的事情。你的notes我还是有抄的吗。有时候是好像,你教着第二题,我做好了,我就先做第三题;还是你教到第三题了,我第二题还不明白,我就继续做咯。这样罢了吗。

老师:可是去年你完全没有听吗。我去年就已经放弃你了。

Me: (你去撞墙啦。)

--------------------
At this point, my eyes were sea-watery, and nothing could be saved. I was furious. If I was to leave this room hurt, I wanted to try, at least, to inflict the same pain on him.

I was physically speechless. I stared at him, summing up all that were left in me to control my breathing.

Me: 我不知道你怎样看待我啦.....

老师:我没有怎样看待你。

Me: (You shut up!!!) 我不知道你怎样看待我啦。我作为一个学生,你作为一个老师,你教数学,我有学到数学。单凭着一点我就应该尊重你了。我不知道为什么你要这样....

老师:我教书时你没有听,做自己的东西。那叫做尊重meh?

Me: 过后我有听了是不是。

老师:可是那时候我已经放弃你了。我这个人是这样的。(refer above)

Me: 很遗憾啦。


And I left the room, wailing all the way to my class.
--------------------------------------------

Things are not going to end like this. I needed support. I made it known to everybody in the classroom, how I was treated by the teacher. I wanted to pull them to my side before they heard anything from any kepo teachers. It happened once, I wouldn't allow it to happen twice.

---------------------------------------------
I know I have issues. Most teachers don't like me, I don't like most teachers. I'm lucky to have parents who are always ready to listen, despite my shit attitude.

On the same evening, I told my father about the incident. I feel very sorry that every time I have problems I will throw it out on them.

Me: 我....又跟老师起冲突了。哈哈。

爸:Zomok你每次都跟老师起冲突的har? 跟老师相处这样难啊?

Me: 我....我.....算了。跟你们讲也没有用的。

(Run into room and cry.) >.< useless me.

So I told them the incident la, say how I hate the teacher la, want the teacher to die la....They tell me the teacher is good la, just want me to know the marking scheme la, just his approach a bit blunt la.....

Of course I couldn't listen to them la. I just wanted them to agree with me. Don't want lecture. Basically I was shouting and my father was still trying to give advice.

Me: 你什么都不要讲!!!你同意就可以了!!!!
--------------------------------------

On the next morning (it was weekend), I brought up the issue again.

Me:我不知道他教书这样多年,残害多少个学生了!

Father: haiz...你很极端啊DeluSion. 你想东西很极端你知道吗。

Me:你讲我极端?你讲我极端?!?!kionggarn. 我受够了,我受够了!啊!!!
(爸妈,我知道你们也受够了,I'm sorry.)

(Take car keys, drive out of the house)

And I drove to Pendang from Alor Star. I thought about driving to Sungai Petani, just for the sake of it. But I only had 20Ringgit in my wallet, so I thought better don't. (Harry: that was how I “ 顺便”go to visit you.)

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When I returned home, the conversation continued. It ended with my father 讲泄气话:“你对啦,你对啦。”
Thank you dad. That was all I wanted.
-------------------------------------------
And life goes on.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

An Innocent Friend

What is the percentage of guys who watch porn? If they're not gay, how much do they know about gay porn?




Yesterday, I was having this conversation with an innocent, not-otherwise-classified, more commonly known as 'straight', but because I don't like the connotation that comes with it, I refuse to use the word 'straight', friend.





First I showed him a picture of a man, whom I find quite handsome. Then maybe he was trying to tease me, he showed me another picture of a half-naked man, and the conversation followed:




Friend: Wah...simply simply search also can find this.

Me : oh. haha.

Friend: how? you like or not?

Me : not my cup of tea. (edit: without prejudice to the man above.)

Friend: Then which type you like?

Me : ....

(2 minutes later)

Me : Wah....just now I go search, whole page naked man, too much, straight away don't want to watch >.< 物极必反

Friend : huh? what you search?

Me : seancody.

Friend : huh? Sean? My name is Sean.

Me : >.<>

Friend : Cheh. nothing also. just men kissing ma.

Me : you use google?

Friend : dunno. does it matter?

Me : use google. turn off safesearch.

(chat chat chat)

(1 hour later)

Friend : OMG!!!! Si gui! I cannot sleep liao! My eyes!!!

Me : LOL.

Me : What. nothing one la...

Friend : ......

Me : u really traumatized ah?

Friend : dunno.

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I think if you're gay you'll probably understand this post.
If you don't understand and is thinking about searching for any term, you are hereby warned of explicit sexual content in your image search results.

Monday, August 30, 2010

hahaha

今天学校的国庆典礼超冷。我很高兴。

Ask what the country can do for you and others.
Love is blind and clouds your judgement, so DON'T love your country.

Love the people, love the mountains, rivers and seas;
Love the hot guys the sexy girls or otherwise classified,
Love Gunung Jerai Pulau Pinang or any places you like,
forests or skies,...
green or blue or (put what word har?)
Love, love, love;
hug a tiang.
Anything but an empty cemerlang, gemilang, terbilang.

-----------------------------------------
国家是不值得你爱的,如果他不允许你不爱他。

Friday, August 20, 2010

On My Brain Abnormalities

Not too long ago, I heard from a teacher, two in fact, or maybe three (>.<), that some of the teachers are dissatisfied with a few students, which (, naturally,) include me. According to one particular teacher who leaked the news, although I've got good grades so far, I'm not like the "top students" the school used to have.

I'm not implying that I'm better. If you know me well you would know other than having an above-average school grades, I really have nothing to boast about in school. Anyway, I confess that I have intended to become the "top-student-who-get-good-grades-but-never-respect-teachers" since I quitted A-levels and came back for STPM. In a way I wanted to prove that the school is just a bankrupt institution. Yes, I'm this vain. With that ambition, what followed was a series of conflicts with teachers, which earned me the bad reputation I have now.

Yesterday, I read that teenage antisocial behaviour is related to some form of brain abnormalities. In an experiment[1], the brain scans of teenagers with conduct disorders (CD)show less activity in the areas involved in processing emotions when they are shown images of angry, sad, and neutral faces. The researchers believed that the results may explain why teenagers with CD are insensitive to distress of others and to social signals of aggression.

This prompts me into thinking whether my "antisocial" behaviour as a biological root. I think I am the kind of person who attends to my own emotions much more than to the people around me. For example, if a teacher speaks of his opinion which I strongly disagree with, then it is likely of me to raise my hand and speak out. I think this usually happens to Ah Koi my Chemistry teacher, because he seems to have so many things to say in the class.
I know he's not particularly fond of me (read: doesn't really like me), because I'm arrogant, always-come-to-school-late, never-respect-teacher etc, but I do have my respect for him, for the fact that he teaches me chemistry.

Ah Koi is a teacher, but unfortunately, he's also part of the school administrative team. Usually he's the one who disciplines the form 6 students who come late for the morning assembly.That's fine by itself, but I really couldn't stand it when a teacher flaunts his power over a student. 权力的傲慢。What he usually does is to ask for reasons that we are late before asking us to do anything for disciplinary action. What he's given to is to say "no no no, no arguments" when he cannot counter the students. >.< I remember I once responded to that pet phrase with a "YES!" when I was in the heat of my temper. LOL.I made it clear to him that I have nothing against him in particular but the "system", to which he responded with a nod.

To be fair to him, I do see that he's helped some students out of their troubles, like one useless pengajian am teacher insisted on a group of students to write their R&D report in Malay, so one of the group member asked for his help to change to another teacher for their R&D supervision.

OMG, what a rubbish post.

Friday, August 13, 2010

What the Fuck Is Existentialism?

"Fuck me! Fuck me! Even a multiple orgasm would not have filled this existential void."

---------------------------------------
Just a random thought when I'm desperate.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

希望不会有人对我唱这样的歌

Yesterday I cooked spaghetti for the first time in my life. It tastes horrible.

Monday, August 02, 2010

On Removing the Previous Post

The previous post (which has been deleted) was about my coming out to a schoolmate. After that a friend told me that people had been talking about it, so I was worried, and consequently removed the blog post.

The next day was weekend, and when I bumped into a group of guys at the mall, I sensed that the way they talked to me was a bit...queer. I'm not sure whether I was over-alert at that time or not, but they did make me feel disturbed.

I'm not blaming anyone specific here, nor myself. I felt quite down on that night, and I couldn't exactly tell why. I'm out to at least 25 of my peers, and I had not thought that I would be bothered by more people knowing that I like men guys.

I came out to the 9th person in Form 5. From what I heard, he didn't really believe it, so he tried to confirm it with one whole row of students during the maths tuition class >.< thereby exposing me, somehow or rather. But that was okay. I guess I kind of expected that to happen when I decided to come out to him on msn.

How naive I am, to trust that the impact of this recent coming-out would just be like the 9th one. Last time, most of my "gang" had already known when I came out to Mr9. So I was more in control of the spread of the information. But in form 6, having made so many new acquaintances, the fear of exposure surfaced the moment I was warned by my friend.

But what is it that I fear?

Fear of letting people to know that I'm gay? Fear of any "misunderstanding" between me and my schoolmate? Fear of WHAT?

I soon reached the conclusion which I have come to over and over again. It's because of my yearning for people's compliments, and subsequently the fear of hearing ill opinion about me, which I find disturbing most the time.

All I need to do is to look myself into the mirror, and I would know that I'm certainly not perfect. Very very imperfect. And that's entirely okay!

It's time that I know who I am deeply inside (and shallowly outside), what matters the most to me. It's okay to change because of people's remarks. But never let fear break me. When we no longer fear, we can be free.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

I'm High

This is probably the first time I played basketball, as in seriously played basketball (despite the horrible techniques...) throughout my secondary school life. And our team won!

Won't claim any credit for the win, because I think they belong to the other team members.

But anyway I feel happy. Yay! It's been a very long time since I last time I had confidence that I'm going to do well in my life, or at least I CAN do well in my life. It could just be a short-lived "feel-good" moment, but what the hell, when you're happy you don't go and ask why you're happy!

Ahhh!!!!!!!!!!

I think it comes from KNOWING that I don't need to DEPEND on anybody handsome man to be happy, to feel fulfilled and content. At least this is what I think la.

So after I reached home, I took my "A Concise Chinese English Dictionary for Lovers" out of the house, and read this excerpt out loud to the road:

"You should learn to play with your own clitoris." Once you told me this on the bed. We were naked, and we had just made love.

Your hand touched my body. "If you want to have an orgasm, you should touch yourself here."

I remember this conversation. But I never did it with myself, because I was always with you. Why do I have to?

On the roof of Residencia Mina, through the trees, the sun penetrates my skin. The leaves rustle in the mild wind. I start to touch myself.

The juice flows from my cave, and my fingers touch my hidden lips. Up and down. A great urge coming over me like a high tide flooding my body. The only thing I can see is the blue sky. The deep blue, like a boundless sea. The dry leaves under my skin are wet from my desire.

My body starts to shake. My breath gets difficult. My cave wants to devour something. I want to shout. It is almost painful, I feel like crying.

And I scream.

On my own. With myself. I did it. It is like dream.

For the first time in my entire life, I came by myself.

I can be on my own. I can. I can rely on myself, without depending on a man.

----------------------------------------
Like that la.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Rants

I seriously hope people can talk about something else other than me being so smart, chemistry get 90+ etc. Yes there's a part of me that is always waiting for compliments, however nauseating it may be. Yet the recurrence of such compliments at an alarming frequency seems to suggests lacks in other departments.

I want to be more good-looking!
I want to be more sociable!
I want to become more skillful in driving!
I want to be able to sing!

Ok, whatever.

The thing is....ugh....how can people think I'm good.....I know people are just being polite when they say this.....but there's so many smarter smarter, cleverer people around. How can they say this?!?! It's like an insult to those people!!!!

Ok, whatever.

What's more when there's one guy, who's so BEAUTIFUL (beautiful not= handsome, not= 帅) ,and intelligent and stuff. And who cares if he gets only 50+ or anything in chemistry? It just dwarfs everything that you have, and makes you become humble, in every positive way.

Seriously people.
-----------------------------------

Friday, July 16, 2010

Tuesday, July 06, 2010

Girls

Last year March:

Girl1: What's a dildo? What's a dildo?

Last week:
Girl2: Yes, I want to know. Tell me what is 'hardcore'.

This afternoon:
Girl3: What is SM?

---------------------------------------
The gender differences...

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

MUET -- Abortion

The following article is taken from the blog owner's answer for one of his mid-year exam papers. Due to inadequate demand of the language and time constraint, the article should not be deemed the final stance of the author, but a sampling of the author's thoughts on this "issue". [Lines in square brackets are added after the test.]
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Abortion is the artificial termination of a pregnancy through surgical removal of the foetus from a woman's body. [Note: the same woman has to be pregnant.]

The quiet whispers and a sudden cry of anger when the question paper was distributed explains how controversial the issue of abortion is. However controversial or even enraging it is, the arguments for abortion never seem to enter the mainstream discourse. This may be indicative that our society at large views abortion as a moral wrong.

The fact that our society does not approve of abortion does not render a serious discussion on the issue academic. The arguments for and against abortion need to be scrutinized, as abortion concerns the welfare of women and society.

The argument against abortion is usually based on the sanctity of life. The sanctity of life of the foetus that is. It is argued that if the murder of a 30-year-old man is a crime, then so should be the "murder" of a 3-months-old foetus. The proponents against abortion argue that to remove a foetus from the mother's body, thereby depriving it of life, is an act of brutal murder. [扣帽子] Strong as it sounds, this argument is not uncontended. [uncontended valid]

[Bomb:] Our current law permits abortion to be carried out by an O&G (obstetrics and gynaecology) specialist, provided that the health of the mother would be compromised if the term were continued. Therefore, it appears that abortion is acceptable if a woman's health is at risk due to her pregnancy. However, this acceptance contradicts the argument of [of based on the] sanctity of life. If it is unacceptable to kill a 30-year-old man for our own good health, then why is the alleged "murder" of a foetus be acceptable if his life is equal to that of a fully-grown adult? The apparent inconsistency shows that the society do not actually perceive lives to be equal.

[Bomb2:] An important legal concept in the English Common Law, upon which many judicial precedents in our country are based, is the 'duty of care'. This legal concept can be illustrated by the following example. An Olympic games swimmer walks to a pool side, and sees a toddler drowning. What does our law compel him to do? Nothing. Legally speaking, he is not obliged to rescue the victim, because he has no 'duty of care' for the victim. He may actually sit on the other end of the pool, and watch the toddler drown to death. Now, the important question to ask regarding abortion is - why does our law mandate a pregnant woman to continue carrying the foetus for 9 months [alright, some say it's 10, whatever, fail my biology lah.]? How is this 'duty of care' established in the 'woman-foetus' relationship?

I do not intend to imply that every mother wants their babies to die. In fact, mothers are generally kind and loving towards their "children", whether they have been born or are still in the wimb. [I wrote this line in because I realized that my English teacher is likely also a mother.] Nonetheless, in the case of rape which results in unwanted pregnancy, what could be the remedy to the sad situation? Abortion is currently not [an option] under our law. True, if the rape victim does not want the baby, she could give it for adoption, but what if she also does not want the pregnancy? It is the most unfortunate event that the state does not permit women to decide on what they want for their bodies. The use of state power to regulate a woman's [body] is arguable the most repugnant form of institutionalized oppression. In my opinion, no woman should be burdened for their entire lives because of a biological consequence, if they choose not to.

[Shit, no time already.] Our legal notion of a natural 'person' is one with body and mind. The foetus fails to satisfy both. [bomb] It's body is dependent upon the mother for every life processes, and the brain has not fully developed. If an ordinary person can decide whether they want to save a drowning baby, why can't a woman be given the right to decide on the fate of the foetus, which would probably affect her entire life?

However controversial abortion is, I believe it should be an option for women. This issue strongly affects women and our attitudes towards it reflect the society's view of women, whether they are humans of equal worth, or instruments whose body is subject to the interference of law and power. [interference of law and power.]

------------------------------------------------------------
1. Most arguments for abortion is derived from the content, as I can recall, of a book called "Feminism, issues and arguements" by Jennifer Saul.

2. A few days later, I came across a Buddhist pamphlet that persuades against abortion, and I was persuaded into thinking that abortion is "unethical" because of the cruelty. Currently, I maintain that abortion is some sort of moral dilemma, and that in principle the state should not decide on moral issues. Nonetheless I think it is "necessary" (as it appeals to me) that abortion of foetus older than a certain critical month should be banned. Like that la.

3. Would like to know how other people think.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

On the Claim that Love Has No Boundaries

Been wanting to write a post on this title. But I guess I will never have the time to do so. Speaking of sociology, I have only read 50 pages of my 800-page Australian-based textbook (which is bought at only RM30! -- very dai2)

Two days ago(*1) I came across this topic on marriage from a sociology reference book, when I should have been studying for Physics.

"we assume that peole choose a partner or mate based on love. But we find that people's choices are guided by other considerations as well: a potential partner's age, height, weight, income, education, race, sex, social class, and religion, among other things. When the conditions are right, we "allow" ourselves to fall in love."


extracted from
Sociology, A Global Perspective
by Joan Ferrante
pp 341
*1 : Actually it's last year when I was still studying A-levels. I drafted this post around that time.
------------------------------------
Some of the conditions were not taught. As a result we forgot to make consideration for it.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

A Concise Chinese English Dictionary for Lovers

My body is in Berlin, but my heart is left in London, left for you. I don't feel myself together. All I want do is find some internet cafe write emails. I cannot stop thinking of you.



You wrote me from London this morning, or maybe you wrote from last night:

"Although our bodies are separated, I still feel as if I am with you."



I write to you back immediately. I say it is too lonely on the road on my own. I don't see the pint.



But you write me back:

"In the West we are used to loneliness. I think it's good for you to experience loneliness, to explore what it feels like to be on your own. After a while, you will start to enjoy solitude. You won't be so scared of it anymore."



I read this email again and again in internet cafe not knowing your exactly meaning.

--------



Is a modern cafe, the red and black colour chairs and tables are all in geometry shape. So much designing here, it almost feels uncomfortable. I want you suddenly turn up in front of me, and take off my clothes and squeeze my body and hold tightly. Oh, I want to make love with you, make love with you right now, right here. Only making love can wipe out this loneliness. Only making love can touch the soul. I want you hold my body painfully tight. I feel hurting when you squeeze my body like that, but at the same time I feel contented. It's strange. Pleasure could be so painful.

-----------

I was in my room, skipping the pages of the book. It's my second read. Just got the book back from a friend. And I started to sob, to hold my breath, and tears rolled in the eyes.

-----------

I was in the car today. And I thought of a line in the book. And it started again, I started to sob.



Home is everything. Home is not sex but also about it. Home is not a delicious meal but is also about it. Home is not a lighted bedroom but is also about it. Home is not a hot bath in the winter but it is also about it.



家包含了一切。家不只是性爱,不只是美味的三餐,不只是明亮的卧室,不只是寒冬的热水澡,家包含这些,以及更多。



Oh c'mon, that's not the translation. The 'about' means something else. But what is it? What is it?



Home is not.....but also about......Home is not .....but also about......What is the equivalent of the chinese word for the "about"?



And I started to feel like crying. But it stopped. It felt like something untouched inside my heart had just been tickled. I wasn't sad, I wasn't angry. I just felt.....like that. And tears came. The emptiness has moved to somewhere else.

Seriously

I have a serious philosophical question.

How do (most) women love men?

Seriously. How?

Monday, June 21, 2010

听神经病auntie的话有感

有个女人在客厅。我没带眼镜,不过大概知道是谁,奈何我hiao.

DeluSion : (走近近去看她,好像近视几千度这样。)

Auntie : (笑)

DeluSion : 哦!Auntie!

Auntie : 哦,没有戴眼镜。我还在想什么事。

DeluSion : (社交性微笑)

Auntie : 怎样最后一年liao hor?

DeluSion : mmm 是咯。过后要读也没有得读了,haha.

Auntie : 我看你也是离不开父母的啦!毕业过后不用去哪里啦。在那个公司(某家族生意)上班就好了。

DeluSion : (W!T!F!)好心。

---------------------------------------------
骂她神经病,通过否定他人的人格以达到自我肯定+恢复自信的效果的同时,我也意思意思自我反省一番。我是不是很多方面都让人认为我不够独立呢?我自己也认为很多事情都太依赖父母了。再这样一来下去,会阻碍自己的成长哦。

性格方面的东西我懒得理, boh capsiao. 有什么东西要改,就从tangible的东西着手。我给我自己开的作业清单---上大学前要会的:

1. 学会换车轮。这个theory我会了,不过practical过一次罢了。而且我也忘记了。(讲到这样多就是连theory也忘了.)

2. 这半年里面---practical 开椰子或榴梿。

3. 至少学会炒一样菜。(我一直讲要炒豆芽,讲了3年!)

4. 弄清楚车祸后的procedure. (打电话给谁?联络保险公司?找谁修理?报警?如何避免被砍菜头?万一车祸另一方拿刀下车怎样?可以撞死他吗?etc)

----------------------
这样啦。她孩子得jpa的话我不要投Barisan Nasional.

Monday, May 31, 2010

打后有感

Fizikal is the person you think of as you work you way through the climax; mental is whom you (continue to)* think of after the fall.

----------------------
*cross if not applicable.


----------------------
Just my conjecture la.

Monday, May 24, 2010

17(+2)年来恋爱交白卷

虽然明天考biology, physics不知道怎样考,而且还搞不懂很多东西,但我还是得写。

你们有看今天《星洲日报》的副刊吗?题目是“不会再有我们”。有一句话是这样的:

“......我遇上另一个人。一个明白我的语言的人。......”

对。我要找一个明白我的语言的人;我也要努力明白其他人的语言。

-------------------------------
List all imaginary solutions to x^2 + 1 = 0

Answer : 12345, -79580, 33, 2,......

LOL.

这个我自己想到的哦。
--------------------------------

Thursday, May 20, 2010

DeluSion有感

Quite a lot of people said I'm arrogant. I also think I'm arrogant. Recently I already know when I will feel humble.

It's when I see pretty boys.

Pretty boys make the world beautiful. I become humble when I'm amazed by nature's beauty.

la la la.

Friday, May 07, 2010

Preface of My Organic Chem Text

This book is written for students preparing for the STPM Chemistry examination. It is based on the new STPM 962 Chemistry Syllabus (Second Edition) issued by the Malaysian Examinations Council. It aims to provide a comprehensive, systematic and up-to-date treatment of organic chemistry for STPM students. Every effort has been made to make the book as clear and readable as possible so as to make the learning of organic chemistry easier and more effective.

Organic chemistry cannot be learnt by merely memorising names of organic compounds and chemical equations for reactions. There is a need for students to understand fully and comprehend the theories and the reasons for the organic reactions to occur. In order to help the students to achieve these objectives, the book has included the following features.

-Worked examples
-Problem-solving strategies
-End-of-topic checkpoint exercises
-Summaries of key terms and key facts
-Examination-type questions at the end of each chapter with the answers and comments given at the end of the book
-Appendices which give an overall view of the important facts that the students need to master.

It is hoped that after completing the STPM course, students will find organic chemistry a useful and interesting subject, and appreciate its contribution in improving the lives of mankind.

Tan Yin Toon 2004
-------------------

Friday, April 30, 2010

On My Second Crush

I have problems in comprehending 'love', the way the word is used as a verb.

As in 'I love you.'

I don't understand why 'love' is used as a transitive verb, as in Subject + Verb + Object, e.g. Lily eats rice; in contrast with intransitive verbs, which have the general sentence structure of Subject + Verb, e.g. I sleep.

I feel that when an object of affection is followed by 'love', it implies that love, as the subject's "action", is having an effect on the object. This clearly is untrue, as in the case of unreciprocated affection.

Maybe I'm mixing up state verbs with action verbs. State verbs, are, well, verbs that describe a state.
Emotion : I hate that dog!
Possession: I have a penis.
Senses : I hear birds chirping.
Thought : She believed everything he told her.

But I'm not talking about "I love pizza" or "Children love to play". When used like that I can easily understand the meaning of the sentence. However, I'm writing about the intense affection or deep tender feelings the subject has for the object. If we consider the causal connection between the object and the subject's feelings, I think we may safely conclude it is the object which "causes" love to grow in the subject.

I'm guessing that the reason I find "I love you" 'weird' is that it doesn't account for the intrapersonal dimension of love - the hormonal changes! the shortness of breath! the temporary malfunctioning of cerebral cortex! The cause of such excitement (if I may say so) is not explicitly addressed if we express love by saying "I love you".

To me, "I love you" is the utterance of one's love, but I fancy a more "rational" expression that addresses the cause of love -- 'You made me love'. The former conveys to the object that the subject has some sort of affection for them, but the latter asserts more. It addresses the reason of the subject's tender feelings, reason being the object, and conveys such feelings without the anticipation for the object's reply which is usually associated with "I love you". The meaning is complete.

You made me love.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

No Soft Skills

今天Ah Koay讲到一句话,刚好刺到我,怒火中烧。

吐舌头。

他肯定看到了。

>.<

Friday, April 23, 2010

MUET

Since I'd rather fail MUET than not online, I think I can only try to blog something as practice for tomorrow's MUET writing test instead of staring blankly on my facebook profile.

First of all, I really regret chatting with Quah Chee Sian till 3 oclock in the morning, one day before the MUET test. Now I'm so sleepy....

I don't know why I should be so concerned with this MUET test, because I don't think I need a band 5 or 6, since it's unlikely that I'll apply for the "competitive courses" like engineering or medicine.

But I suppose my vanity will not easily forgive myself if I fail to get a Band 4 or above. Well to be honest I demand a band 5 from myself (although I know my writing is going to pull down the marks!), although I do allow for a band 4, as what I've been repeating in my mind these few days :

"Aim for band 5, hope for band6, be happy with band 4."

(p.s. Should I do badly in the test, this blog post shall become testimony to the saying that "pride comes before the fall")

---------------------------------------------
I wonder what topics would come out for the writing section. I do hope it will be something controversial like:

1. Young people should vote for BN in the next general election. Do you agree? Give your views.

2. Gay people should just go die. Give your views.

3. MUET speaking test is so fake. Give your opinion.

rather than :

1. Discuss strategies of attracting more tourists to Malaysia.

2. Discuss ways to promote unity among Malaysians.

-------------------------------------------------
Ok I was half joking. The groups of topics above represents extremes of both ends of a spectrum of topics from simply dry to outrageous, none of which is likely to be actual test topics. However, I think I need to be emotional in order to write a good essay - I can only produce a good essay only if the things I write are what I feel strongly about. That is probably my weakness in writing.
-------------------------------------------------
Internet addiction:

An addiction is a persistent behavioural pattern marked by physical or psychological dependency or tolerance which brings disruption in the quality of life of the organism.

-------------------------------------------------
Strategies to attract more tourists:

1. erm. improve taxi service
2. erm. improve safety (crime)
3. erm. eco-tourism. Because of the hype of climate change and stuff, people will be more inclined to spend their holidays in "eco" places. Malaysia have the world's oldest tropical rainforest and what Pulau Sipadan. Snorkelling centre. Promote it.

that's all la. Why people want to come to malaysia? So many better places to go.
--------------------------------------------------
Die.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Power is Knowledge

权力如何生产知识:


家里的一个小型不粘锅坏了。叫我拿去丢,我收进房间。觉得会用到。今天早上六点半:

kakak : DeluSion, mana itu itu....

me : oh, sudah rosak.

kakak : Itu itu.....kuali kecil tu.

me : Dalam bilik saya. Sudah rosak.

kakak : oh.....kamu guna? Saya nak goreng telur, cari tak jumpa......(恐怖的腔调)

me : erm. Tapi sudah rosak.


你可以看到我重头到尾都拒绝多解释,只是重复"rosak", "rosak", "rosak"。那个kakak也没有机会多问什么,也只能接受我的well, "rosak".


------------------------------
1. Perempuan yang bergaul bebas adalah kerana mereka tidak mempunyai harga diri.

2. 华人应该懂华语。

3. Homosexuality is a sin.

4. Huraikan cara-cara untuk meningkatkan semangat patriotisme dalam kalangan orang muda.

5. Peningkatan kadar jenayah dalam kalangan remaja disebabkan keruntuhan institusi kekeluargaan.

6. Semua orang percaya kepada Tuhan.

7. 所有宗教都是教人向善的。

8. Bapa merupakan ketua dalam keluarga.

9. Kepercayaan kepada Tuhan
Taat Setia kepada raja dan negara
Keluhuran Perlembagaan
Kedaulatan undang-undang
Kesopanan dan kesusilaan

10. 家庭是社会的基本结构。

11. 仁义礼智。

12. Dalam kelas saya hanya ada bahasa Melayu dan bahasa Inggeris. Saya tak mau dengar bahasa lain.

13. I don't want to hear you all speak Mandarin anymore har......Speak English.

14. 华人不懂华语是可耻的。

15. 马来人,都没有文化的......没有历史的......



就算是所谓“科学知识”,也可能只是权力对身体的肆意论述:

16. 有些男生举止娘娘腔是因为雌性荷尔蒙分泌过多。

17. 有些男生变成同性恋是因为他们小时被同性性侵。

18. 还有一些是因为跟女性有过不愉快的经历,比如:被女生劈腿,小时妈妈的教育方式过严。

19. 不过也有一些是参女生太多,所以他也认同女生的喜好了。



------------------------------------
没有权力,就脱光光,躺平平,让人肆意论述。

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

How Can Like This.....

Ah Koay (chemistry teacher) did not enter a 3-period class today. With so much time to kill, some of us were studying (while chatting haha) and the others are playing chess and talk cock and stuff.



I guess we were pretty noisy. Ah Ch'ng came out from his room and subtly reminded us to "do our own work".



And then when the second time he came out again, he suggested that we could discuss organic chemistry questions or go back to class instead of staying in the lab. I wish we had talked a little about the organic chemistry questions, rather than continued talking shit.



Maybe not everybody is as studious as me (not to say I'm very studious also la...), some may want a little bit or rest after the crazy!-sick!-变态!-"5 subjects in 2 days" exam. But I kind of feel disgusted by the way some of our classmates threw out this excuse:



" We already passed up the question paper with the answers." ----1



Don't you think it sounded so stupid? I mean, the teacher offered to teach when he didn't have to, and they made it sound like we were forced to study or something. Summore, question paper passed up already ah? Your problem la! Tell the teacher for what? Sounds so.....childish.



Maybe it was the way the meaning was conveyed. Suppose we change to excuse to :



"Oh we'd love to Mr Ch'ng. But unfortunately we already passed up the question paper to Mr Koay." ----2 (blame it on Ah Koay, haha)



I really hate myself for this, because I find this totally acceptable compared to the first line.



Language is part of culture.

----------------------------------------------

People who are seriously considering studying form 6 should really think thrice. Not all your classmates are the studious kind. Of course, people don't need to be studious or academic-inclined to be good. There are some people in my year whom I think I could learn so much from. But.....god....when it comes to the classes.....(not sure what's the other 2 science classes are like)



So.....if you study form 6, don't think you're the best just because you get number 1 or anything. So many things to learn from your peers. 时时刻刻保持警惕。不要因为赞美而飘飘然。(而且你到了这个年纪也很少人要去称赞你了啦。)



Not too long ago I've stopped concerning myself with the flaws of other people. Don't need to be angry of other people, unless they target-specifically hurt you or anything. But sometimes......god.....I wish Zulkarnain can seriously fuck the noisy person out of the bio lab.



Grrr....我对事不对人的。至少在这间事是这样。

-----------------------------------------------

Language is part of culture.

Thursday, April 08, 2010

[(技术)障碍性]缺课

就是ah hor....天我懒惰写了。

人越大越懒。对自己有交代就好。

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

On the Lift of the Ban

I read from the news, and later from a few blogs that the Film Censorship Board now permits the display of homosexuality and transexualism, as long as the gay (man?) or transsexual repents (or dies?) at the end of the movie.

What follows is a blog post of a transexual woman, Yuki, which I repost here with her permission.

----------------------------------------------------
Ignorant Filmakers Sanctioned To Draw First Blood On Trans People.

I do apologize for not writing much these days, as I have quite a number of things on my mind. However, something propped up last week in my-email that I feel needs to be addressed. Slightly reversing the decision by the Information, Communications and Culture Ministry last year that bans depictions of rempits and trans people (I still do not get the connection between violent motorcyclists and decent human beings with a medical condition), local filmmakers can now depict homosexuality and trans people IF the film ends with sad or tragic consequences to homosexual persons or trans people.

I am very thrilled that my acts of going to work, singing Karaoke with my friends, sleeping, watching movies and enjoying music are considered “immoral activities” by some quarters that I need to repent from. I am also sure that some of my friends would be excited that their loving relationships with their partners is considered nothing but a “culture” that may damage moral values of other people, and people need protection from some insane influence to turn heterosexuals to homosexuals (as if it is ever possible).

Not.

I absolutely do not get any relevance from movies that are based on nothing by idle speculation and lazy guessing into the life of a trans woman, like “…(Anu) dalam botol” for example. I would not even say poorly researched; it is pure fictional fantasy (I can imagine no research was done for “2Alam” either). I do not magically wish to “transform” into a woman to please anyone. If my partner is homosexual, he would find that gross because he wants a man, not a woman. I would not even regret getting the operation done if I have the chance, and if I do stumble upon a loving girl, then we would have a decent lesbian relationship, a kind of partnership that is recognized as the most low risk group for HIV/AIDS infection. By the way I do not even like sex. And I am not a “transvestite”.

So, this is plain misinformation, miscommunication and a counter-culture move to allow demonization of people like me. I have totally no regrets being who I am and am proud to be finally be living, not as who Raja Azmi Raja Sulaiman’s thinks I am or I should be. I shall die in pride that though my life is difficult thanks to ignorant and deceitful people like these so-called filmmakers, at least I live as the woman I truly am. These hate-mongering, rumour spreading and lie parroting heterosexists like “Dr” Rozmey may be getting the hype they want. But if any in the trans community of Malaysia commits suicide or are murdered due to the climate of prejudice, misunderstanding, intolerance and discrimination these “filmmakers” create, my sisters’ blood is surely on their hands.

---------------------------------------------
DeluSion's comment : I still want to watch "Dalam Botol" though.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Shout OUT!

It all started with this article, which I found totally offensive.

http://opinions.sinchew-i.com/node/13915

After reading this article, I wrote an article to counter that fellow. But my article is published after this one:

http://opinions.sinchew-i.com/node/13931

A very touching article.

------------
This is my article, which is published in today's paper:
http://opinions.sinchew-i.com/node/13962

潘作意君在〈何須作無謂爭辯〉一文(3月16日《溝通平台》)中給同性戀套上“世紀罪惡”的稱號,在我看來是公然羞辱同志群體。

潘君之〈何〉文完全沒有解釋同性戀何以如此“罪惡”,只是理所當然地給同性戀扣上一頂“罪惡”的帽子,實在叫人憤怒!〈何〉文是反人類共同理性的。它訴諸一己宗教,否定人類理性思考的價值。即使是理性思考的結論,只要在作者看來是有違《聖經》的,他統統都不認同。

潘君還訴諸大眾排斥異己的情緒反應,旁敲側擊地指責“有人寧捨天倫之樂的家庭生活……心甘情願地離棄真理,享受‘與眾不同’的生活環境……”,暗示同性戀與眾不同所以罪惡。全文除了人身攻擊便是一味訴諸一己情緒與成見鼓吹反同性戀情緒,借眾人之勢打擊少數群體。

潘君還反問讀者:“如果這些不法之事可以經得起時間和空間考驗的話,何須靠立法將之合法化?”這樣的言論實在是令人毛骨悚然。經得起時間與空間考驗等同價值上可取嗎?人類各文明中壓抑個人的封建制度佔了幾千年時間,可謂經久不衰,這能夠證明封建制度的合理性嗎?按潘君的見識,或許言論自由,男女平權還有勞工權益等皆是不法之事或經不起時間和空間考驗了,要不然何須在憲法中闡明上述權利,還有立法保障勞工的權益?

將肛交去刑事化(*1)以及合法化同性婚姻,前者是為了讓個人享有更大的自由,拒絕國家機關干涉個人不侵害任何他者的私事,拒絕國家挾多數人之道德觀以“違反自然”之名選擇性提控任何個人;後者的意義則在於提昇非異性戀者的公民與社會地位,讓異性戀者與非異性戀者享有平權。這些,潘君懂嗎?

------------------
*1 Sin Chew edited out some parts here. The original article I sent to them was:

“将肛交(顿号)口交去刑事化,合法化同性婚姻,前者是为了让个人享有更大的自由,拒绝国家机关干涉个人不侵害任何他者的私事,拒绝国家挟多数人之道德观以“违反自然”之名选择性提控任何个人(注:蔡细历先生至今仍未因口交一事而遭提控);后者意义则在于......”
------------------
I contemplated whether I was going to write this article. Sure, I've already got the impulse, but...maybe I should just go and sleep and study physics.....

But then I thought, people rarely responded to this sort of heterosexist opinion. Maybe there are a lot of people who are saddened, or angered by this opinion, but not too many wrote back.

Maybe the impulse of wanting to write back is spontaneous, so everytime when these sort of heterosexist opinion gets published, the probability of having someone to write back is p, 0 < p < 1.

It's just like the question I asked myself when I shockingly realized I'm into erm.....guys. (see, even till now, when i say this, there's still this sort of worry that holds me back) Why me? Why me? At that time I thought there were only at most 3 Malaysians who are "like this". So....oh no....I'm doomed....

Then later, the author of a newspaper column which I had been following came out. That person is 欧阳文风。I knew he was gay from his column. It was a very 感动 moment. A "Good-God-I'm-Not-The-Only-One" moment. So it's important to come out. “走出来,成群结队,我们可以安慰自己和别人的寂寞。”

Then later, I read somewhere on the internet that it has been estimated that 5% of the human population are gay. 5% = 1/20. I have around chinese classmates that time. So I asked myself......c'mon.....where's the other gay guy!! There has got to be another one!!! Taking out me, there are still 19 people.....1/19 is not far from 1/20.....

(Oh, and a classmate came out to me. I came out to him 9 months later. :) )

As my mathematics improved, I eventually came to accept that there's only me among the 20 people. I am the 1 among 20. (of course la, this post could turn into a lengthy post on why my expectations are statistically absurd by referring to the binomial distribution, which I'm not going to do) Taking out me, there's no 1 among the 19. "Statistics cannot be used to argue backwards."

So, since the probability of having someone to write back the heterosexist article is p, and since I already had the impulse to write back, I probably should write, because, I could be the 'p', I could be the statistics. If I don't write, maybe no one would. Therefore I wrote.

-------------------------------------
Somemore I kind of hope people will continue to write in and occupy that column for a few days to increase the gay people's visibility.

One person's opinion is deviant, many people's opinion is common sense.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Hallelujah

Weeks before I read about a suicidal attempt of a gay blogger when he was about 17.
Just now I suddenly recalled this song, to which I listened over and over again when I was 16 -- when I was near the end of denying my feelings -- and be sad.

It didn't come to me that time that there were some sexual references in this song, until I read a comment on youtube. Then the lyrics made sense. I feel that the song is describing sex, and not just that, but something more -- something beautiful, so beautiful that he praised his Lord for it; something emotionally engaging(*1) and sad, and the word sad wouldn't do to convey such immense -- loss.




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*1 write like did before =.=

Friday, March 12, 2010

Announcement of SPM 2009 Result

I went to see the juniors this morning.

One thing I had been annoyingly repeating was :

重温记忆可以使自己从过去的枷锁解脱。

Reliving the memories frees us from the shackles of the past. (硬硬翻译过来, haha)

Pengalaman sejarah individual buat kali kedua membebaskan kita daripada belenggu lepas.


---------------------

Friday, March 05, 2010

Let me sum it up

Respiration is the metabolic process in animals and plants in which organic substances are broken down to simpler products with the release of energy, which is incorporated into special energy-carrying molecules, ATP (adenosine triphosphate) and subsequently used for other metabolic processes.

The outline of aerobic respiration in eukaryotes are as follows, with glucose being the respiratory substrate.

First, glycolysis occurs in the cytoplasm. Glycolysis the chemical pathway by which a glucose molecule is first phosphorylated, rearranged, cleaved into 2 separate molecules, oxidized and dephosphorylated, yielding 2 pyruvate molecules, a net gain of 2 ATP molecules and 2NADH molecules per glucose molecule.

Pyruvate and NADH produced enters the mitochondria. On passing through pyruvate dehydrogenase, which is an enzyme complex consisting of either 60 or more than 60 subunits, which I don't really remember, pyruvate is decarboxylated (releasing a CO2 molecule) and oxidized (by NAD+, thereby forming NADH) )to an acetyl group, which is bonded with Coenzyme A forming Acetyl-CoA. The acetyl unit then enters the Krebs cycle, whereas the CoA unit recycled for another oxidation of pyruvate. For STPM purposes, the decarboxylation and oxidation of pyruvate is referred to as the link reaction, from the perceived "linking" of glycolysis and Krebs cycle.

Krebs cycle is a cyclic series of biochemical reactions which can be divided into 3 segments:

Segment A : condensation reaction between oxaloacetate and the acetyl group, forming citrate. The cycle is also called citric acid cycle or less commonly tricarboxylic acid cycle for the first product (citrate) formed in the cycle.

Segment B : Citrate rearrangement and decarboxylation. Two CO2 molecules produced per pyruvate molecule that enters the Krebs cycle. NAD+ is reduced to NADH.

Segment C : Regeneration of oxaloacetate.

-----------------------------------------------------
What the hell with all the cycle cycle, pathway pathway thing? It is to extract electrons and hydrogen ions from the substrate molecules. The electrons extracted and carried by NADH and FADH2 are released into the ELECTRON TRANSPORT CHAIN, which is a series of membrane-associated proteins. By passing the electron pair from one protein to the next more electronegative one, the energy harnessed from the electrons are used to actively pump protons (H+) into the intermembraneous space from the matrix, against a concentration gradient.

The electrons is finally passed to OXYGEN, which combines with H+ to form water. Now, this is why you need oxygen! It acts as the final electron carrier. Walau A, all this time before studying up till here, I was like --- why the hell am I breathing in oxygen since it doesn't even show up in glycolysis and the Krebs cycle.

OK, so, the proton gradient created across the inner mitochondrial membrance allow passive transport of H+ ions to occur, that is letting the protons to diffuse into the matrix again. Why so kapsiao? Because the protons mostly pass through the membrane-embedded enzyme - ATP synthase. This enzyme couples the reentry of protons to the phosphorylation of ADP to ATP. The passage of protons alters the conformation (3D-shape) of the ATP synthase, thereby catalyzing the formation of ATP from ADP and Pi.

lalala.

-----------------------
Biology at form 6 level is pretty much still like Greek Mythology.

Summary written based on and with referrence to:
Biology (Eigth edition) (2008), Raven, Johnson, Losos, Mason, Singer.
Publisher: McGraw Hill

Auto-Psychoanalysis

Erm....I wasn't really sure whether I should post something so "intimate" of my erm...private life. But then there's nothing "intimate" about it, so....erm....

So I had to go out to sort out some stuff this afternooon, and there's a Watsons' store near that place, so I went in the store again after taking care of the serious stuff, thinking about buying another packet of condoms.

I'm not having sex with anyone. So you might wonder why I bought the condoms. And then masturbation with condom on sucks. The "big" reason: Just as I believed one should learn about divorce before getting married, I think it applies that I should learn more about the protective measures before having any "real" sex, especially when I'm under the impression that the HIV transmission rate per intercourse is significantly higher among MSM (the acronym for 'men who have sex with men') compared to the general population. I read from somewhere before that it has been speculated 1 among 10 MSM is HIV positive, so obviously it is important to practise safe sex. Why the awkward term of MSM instead of gay men? From what I can recall, it is because not all men who have sex with men identify as gay men. Some of them (or us?) (identity crisis kicking in) also have sex with women while having male sex partner(s). So ya, hence the term.

So I went into the store, and I remembered that my facial cleanser is almost used up. There was this tudung-ed woman who kindly enquired for the products for which I was looking. And it so embarrassingly happened that I gave the wrong name of the product, and thus she was puzzled. But then I managed to find my facial cleanser without much hassle.

After that I went to the back of the store to look for the condoms. There were a few brands on the shelf, but the only one I could recognise was Durex. I was actually thinking of buying a flavoured condom, but there wasn't any available. The Durex condoms on the shelf are, Comfort, Close Fit, Love, Tingling, etc. I can't recall that much. And then I saw some lubes at the bottommost tray - KY jelly and Durex Play, so I decided to buy one of them as well.

Me being me, I chose the condoms like I was choosing for some food - reading the ingredients, expiry date, etc. So I was at the back squatting reading the condom description one by one. One thing which confused me slightly was that Love comes with lube (no pun intended!), as I understand the product description at the back of the packet, but then why is it cheaper than the rest of the condom series? Ok, whatever.

I could sense that the shop assistant ocassionally threw her stares to me, but I suppose that was fine, because I probably would have done the same. What's more with my kiddy look.

And thus I wondered whether I was buying the condoms just to practise wearing it. Was it not because I like the attention paid to me while I was in the store, as I was the only customer in the store then. I'm not sure whether people usually select condoms like the way I did. If I was the exception, then did I intend to create some sort of tension in the store by doing so.

The storekeepers are possibly used to it, but I was not. My attitudes tend to be sex-positive recently, as in I believe sex, as an issue, should not be so "restricted" to certain types of discourse. So maybe I was trying to see how consistent can my actions be with my thoughts.



Still that doesn't fully explain my behaviour. I am currently keen to see my behaviour an attempt to compensate for my lack of my "maturity" on reaching adulthood. You see, there's nothing to brag about me buying condoms, it's not like I'm only thirteen - were I to be then that would have been some sort of achievement ^^ . Maybe it's my insecurity about being an adult.

Or it might just be the coffee.
------------------------------------
Cracked my brain to finish this post, now totally no mood to think about sex.

Wednesday, March 03, 2010

你是月亮

我最近认为,要正面看漂亮的男生*需要有心理准备。不然,不小心正面碰着,人的抵抗力会被大大削弱。

就像大约一个月前,我在某处不小心地正面看了那位漂亮的男生。啊....顿时大脑瘫痪,四肢无力,天也亮了,鸟语花香,Alor Star地震。(ok, 过头了。)

So那瞬间我的思考反应是---“我明白那首You Are The Moon的歌词了!明白为什么要把人形容为月亮了。啊...."美”原来就是这样。真的是很印象派。(又拿那些名词来乱乱用了)

所以我很感动。就post这个video上来。Muaks 帅哥。



Shadows all around you as you surface from the dark
Emerging from the gentle grip of night's unfolding arms
Darkness, darkness everywhere, do you feel all alone?
The subtle grace of gravity, the heavy weight of stone

You don't see what you possess, a beauty calm and clear
It floods the sky and blurs the darkness like a chandelier
All the light that you possess is skewed by lakes and seas
The shattered surface, so imperfect, is all that you believe

I will bring a mirror, so silver, so exact
So precise and so pristine, a perfect pane of glass
I will set the mirror up to face the blackened sky
You will see your beauty every morning that you rise
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Go search the song lah.

Monday, March 01, 2010

抛柑

昨晚去抛柑。

看样子传统上好像是女生抛男生捞的。我有意见了:

“Assigning genders to the respective acts of throwing and collecting oranges reflects the social expectations for a woman and a man in finding their marital partners. It reflects the passivity of women in choosing their partners, as all she could do is just to BE AVAILABLE, and such availability is represented by the act of throwing oranges, thereby offering herself to the choice of men. On the other hand, men assume a more active role in choosing their life partners, and enjoy the luxury of choice, as seen in taking one orange from a pool of available oranges. While a man can carefully pick a good orange from a variety, all a woman could do is to throw her orange and pray for a good man."

所以leih hor...我本来是打算又抛又捞的,因为这样的话代表人喜欢我的话,我知道,我喜欢人的话,人知道。Double the chance!

不过后来去那边....cheh.....跟我想象的气氛差很远,所以我意思意思抛一粒算了。
-------------------------------
*Comment lah.

Sunday, February 28, 2010

几件事

其实蛮多东西写的,不过一天下来都忘到七七八八了。

讲重点:

1. 星期三补完physics后过马路差一点被motor撞。

2. 早上差一点被bus撞死!!!!(我一整天吃不下饭!)

3. 下午差一点撞车。


4. 差一点撞车之前是补习。我后面的两个人:

人1 : (鼻音)是啊?zomok 会这样啊?真的啊?

人2 : (没有鼻音)是!!!!!真的!!!!!

人1 : 是啊?zomok 你要讲?

人2 : 没有!!!!!我哪.....里有讲!!!他们自己知道的!!!!

人1 : 哪里有.....

人2 :有!!!!不相信你问DeluSion看!!!

DeluSion : hmmph (笑)(somok 鬼????)

人2 : 呵呵

人1 :呵呵

DeluSion : (脸温温)


WALAU A 我很orthodox 的!!我不能听人家打情骂俏!!

还有要声明一点, 基本上只有最后5句是有根据的niah....前面的我只听到eee eee ooo ooo.....我自己加进来的, LOLOL.

Friday, February 26, 2010

Longer Than



-----------------------------
As one youtuber commented : "this is really a love song."

Saturday, February 20, 2010

CNY Day 5

Went to Alor Star Mall in the afternoon for karaoke.

Sung Zhang Zhi Cheng's《暗恋》。Thank the person who picked this song.

Just for the record.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Angst

I hate the voice of the maid in my house.

I hate every sound she produces.

How on earth does she manage to make her voice sounds like women in Japanese porn whenever she speaks?!?!

It's totally fuckingly unbearable!!!!

I hate it when my mom speaks to her.

I hate it when my cousin speaks to her.

I hate it when she speaks to the dog in my house, which is going to die very soon hopefully.

Kimochineh......

Kionggarn!

Monday, February 15, 2010

Act 377, Malaysian Penal Code

They say the danger heightens the pleasure.
---------------------------------------------

The provisions of the penal code that criminalizes oral and anal sex are as follows: (*1)
377A. Any person who has sexual connection with another personby the introduction of the penis into the anus or mouth of the other person is said to commit carnal intercourse against the order of nature.

Explanation—Penetration is sufficient to constitute the sexual connection necessary to the offence described in this section.

Punishment for committing carnal intercourse against the order of nature.

377B. Whoever voluntarily commits carnal intercourse against the order of nature shall be punished with imprisonment for a term which may extend to twenty years, and shall also be liable to whipping.

(note: A copy of the penal code is available at Popular bookstore, City Plaza branch)

Part/clause/subdivision/article (whatever it's called) C, D, E are omitted.
-------------------------------------------
Below this are just my opinions. I welcome you to be skeptical and go verify the claims:

The law is derived from our colonial master, the United Kingdom. The law was enacted there on 1885, although provisions on "buggery" had been existent since earlier times.

During the era of colonisation , the law was introduced into the legal systems of the British colonies, including but probably not limited to, India, the Gays Straits Settlements and Hong Kong. In fact, the acts which provides for the punishment of "carnal intercourse against the nature" under the modern penal codes of India, Malaysia and Singapore respectively are numbered 377.

Recently, 377 has become a familiar number to some of us who follows the news due to the prosecution of Malaysian Parliament Opposition Leader, Anwar Ibrahim under act 377B.
Notwithstanding the prosecution of Anwar Ibrahim and regardless of how we all love oral, it is worth reminding Chuah Soi Lek and probabthat having his penis in woman's mouth is a crime under Malaysian Law. So far, I have not heard of any news that Chuah Soi Lek has been prosecuted.

It is equally worth noting that at present, oral and anal sex between consenting adult man and woman is no longer criminal in the Republic of Singapore, although legally it still is if done between two men, even if consent is given. Nonetheless, I believe it has been reported that the government's stand is to no longer prosecute consenting adults on "carnal intercourse". The has been campaign that aims to repeal the act.

On July of 2009 in India, the High Court of Delhi ruled that "Section 377 of Indian Penal Code, insofar it criminalises consensual acts of adults in private, is violative of Articles 21, 14 and 15 of the Constitution" -- in other words --- unconstitutional.

Since 1991, homosexual intercourse is legal in Hong Kong. Before this, male homosexual intercourse was illegal, with the maximum sentence being life imprisonment. The Legislative Council agreed to decriminalize "buggery" after the public debate that arose in the 1980s.

As for the United Kingdom, our shared colonial master, the act was repealed in the 60s following the recommendation of the Wolfenden Report.

God bless Malaysia.
---------------------------------------
An enjoyable read on the absurdity of sodomy laws, from a post-colonial view point:
(ok i'm just trying to make it sound deep, lol)

Buggered by the Victorians. by Farish Noor.
http://www.othermalaysia.org/2008/07/17/another-trial-for-malaysia/

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Holy Shit.

You thought news like this would have shown up in the papers! But no! Kiong Garn! At least not obvious enough for me to have taken notice, until I surfed the net.

By Agence France-Presse, Updated: 1/19/2010

Malaysian man fails in attempt to overturn sodomy ban

A Malaysian man has failed in a bid to overturn a ban on sodomy, after a court ruled that the law criminalising the act was constitutional, his lawyer said Tuesday.

A Malaysian man has failed in a bid to overturn a ban on sodomy, after a court ruled that the law criminalising the act was constitutional, his lawyer said Tuesday.

Lawyer Fahri Azzat said the case was the first constitutional challenge against the ban on sodomy in Muslim-majority Malaysia, which is punishable by up to 20 years imprisonment even if between consenting adults.

The legal challenge was launched by Abdul Rahim Abdul Rahaman, 39, who was appealing against his conviction of 60 years in jail for 22 counts of sodomising a 14-year-old boy. He had said the acts were consensual.

"We have argued that this law is wrong and it is unconstitutional because it breaches your rights to privacy and it also creates inequality in terms of gender," Fahri told AFP.

Fahri said the nation's highest court had assured the right to privacy in a ruling last year but that the law penalising sodomy breaches this right and "treats homosexuals as potential criminals".

The Court of Appeal however rejected the defence arguments and upheld the verdict against Abdul Rahim, a city hall worker who was also sentenced to 22 strokes of the cane.

"Are you saying that (homosexuality) among consenting adults is legal? In other words, what happens in the bedroom is none of the government's business?" judge Suriyadi Halim Omar said in opposing the argument, according to state media.

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还我插与“被插”(被插是一个双音节语素,二字不能独立成词。我规定的。),ohm 与被ohm的自由!!!!

Friday, February 05, 2010

Falling

I wonder if I might do drugs at some point in my life.

You see, I USE coffee when I study. The habit started at my lower forms, and at one year, probably form 2 I switched to tea. They help me to stay awake when I studied for exams, which is the only reason I studied back then.

Then it came to form 4, when I think I became increasingly dependent on coffee. Still I only USED it when I have exams. I find that it sort of gave a boost for memorising power. So I USED it for Biology and Sejarah. I don't think I used it for Physics, as I thought I need to be calm when I think on physics stuff. So basically it was just for Biology and Sejarah during exams. I even contemplated whether to USE it before SPM Sejarah. But I didn't. No time to bancuh kopi, every second is used to soak in as many information as I could before the exam started.

Then it was life after SPM. No exams, hence no need of the extra boost from coffee.

Then it was form 6, and I picked up again on Biology. It was then I discovered the magical wonders of what coffee can do. I was on taxonomy, and a cup of coffee could help me understand some otherwise difficult concepts easily. I USED it for 3 days in a row. That was when the magic ceased to work. I felt tired already. I was, of course, alarmed of the change, and immediately stopped TAKING IN coffee.

That time onwards, I virtually limited my coffee consumption to once a week. And it chanced that after I TAKE IN coffee, I studied physics. And it worked so wonderfully well. The ideas. The sharpness of mind. They all set in.

The coffee makes me more aware of myself, and the things around me. With coffee I could spend hours thinking on one single problem. Of course, I didn't just glue myself on a chair and concentrate on the physics notes....but I walk around the house, jump up and down, circle my room...while letting the problem works itself out in my mind. It's pretty a waste of time in terms of efficiency, because --- a few hours on a single problem?!?! And no, I'm not thinking about super complex problem of any sophisticated field. They're just simple pre-U level physics. I need the time to slowly build up the concepts, and develops a kind of feeling of acceptance towards the theory. Or so I think.


Coffee excites me. It makes me feel so enlightened when I figured out something. I like it. I'm a little worried.
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This is an incomplete post. Have to study physics while I'm still "under coffee".