Meeting Juniors

Met some juniors (younger by one year) some 30 hours ago....

Seeing them "relaxing" after SPM, I remembered the situation I was in exactly one year ago. It's a shame (shame not= malu, go check dictionary) that I didn't erm...utilised my free-time then. Having gone through the HORRIBLE EXPERIENCE of choosing among a few colleges, I thought I could share some of my experience and views on choosing the future courses with juniors.

See, I had studied A-levels before I came back for Form 6. So I think I can tell some of the differences between the two. I always tell people not taking form 6, provided they can afford other routes of study and not wanting to get into public U, DESPITE THE VERY FACT THAT I GAVE UP A-LEVELS AND CAME BACK FOR FORM 6.

I already had some reasons in my mind, but in front of the juniors, I just couldn't speak.

Just to clarify some facts : I came back to study form 6 not because A-levels was TOO challenging for me or anything, nor was it due to the robbery done on me. It's something personal ok. At that time, I thought coming back studying form 6 is the best decision I could make. I HAD at times REGRETTED but I DON'T blame myself for making the decision.

The reason I did not want to stay for form 6 was because I thought staying for form 6 means continuing to be the same person I had been for the past five years. I wanted change! I wanted to become more independent, to become a different person from what I foresaw had I stayed for form 6.

So I went to a college to study A-levels. I won't talk too much about my personal life (no there wasn't, lol) there, but I'd like to talk about how studying was like, the way I remembered it.

1. First, the library is great. You can sleep in the library. There's a lot of books in there, obviously. You get all those thick thick books, WHICH CAN BE BORROWED unlike at our school, you can't. But then, I'm not sure whether it is fair to compare a school to a college.

2. College life means you had more control over your routines. You decide when you want to eat. You decide when you want to sleep. You decide whether you want to skip a class and nobody will be so wu liao to give you a yellow card, although attendance are taken.

3. Spoonfeeding. Studying form 6 at KSAH means continuing to copy notes from the screen when the teachers teach. Teaching is basically very ineffective if you get certain teachers. Despite the teachers, quite a lot of students like to be fed. Classroom participation basically = 0. Few form 6 students would answer questions from the teacher if they don't have to. Classroom discussion is officially discouraged by one chemistry teacher, damn totalitarian kind of teacher. But just to be fair to him : He has the knowledge to teach, but the teaching methodology needs refinement.

The thing that happen when I was in A-levels is that most my classmates always asked questions in class....until it gets very annoying. Everybody tries to get the best out of the lecturers. However, I checked with another friend who's studying A-levels, and it seemed that the case of my class is an extreme. (maybe further maths people are more studious).

4. Degrees of freedom. Well, personally, I dislike the schooling system. I don't like people telling me to cut my hair, cut my nails, cut my pubic hair. And I hate people cutting them for me. Staying in school means having to follow the dress codes and listen to some stupid teachers telling you "kamu pelajar kolej, kamu bukan lagi pelajar mana-mana sekolah, kena ada disiplin etc". Some people will regard this as trivial matters, whereas some (like me) will be greatly disturbed by this. So it really depends on how you think about discipline and conformity.

5. Tuition. Face it -- teachers at school are NOT GOOD ENOUGH. Tuition is necessary for form 6. This can be both a good and bad point. I guess some students need more guidance from the teacher, but....let's put it this way, if the teachers/lecturers are good enough (good in terms of the quality of lecture, quality of notes, quality of giving you exercises to prepare you for exams etc), you don't need tuition, and this would surely save you a lot of time and enables you to spend more time doing self-revision. I'm not too sure about this, maybe those who are already studying at college or those who are studying form 6 and go to tuition for all 5 subjects have more to say on this.

What I've written so far seems to favour courses other than form 6. Now let's take a look at the advantage bright side of studying form 6.

6. Language problem. I had difficulty conversing in English when I was in college. So I didn't mix well with my classmates. No talks = no exchange of ideas = didn't become mature. Being a passive kind of person, I also did not participate actively in cocurricular activities, ALTHOUGH:
(a) I participated once in a mini-jungle trekking (1-hour walk).
(b) I participated in a trip which is about bringing orphans to Zoo Negara. So I helped to take care of one of the kids. His name is (I forgot). He really liked to play with my handphone, and I let him do, although I am really a stingy kind of person. I still have the pictures he took at the zoo.

okok, before everything turns sappy:

After coming back for form 6, I have to take part in cocurricular activities more actively, which I think is GOOD. Language is no longer a problem, as I can converse in Mandarin, so there is more erm...exchange of ideas, and it is through talking that I observe the differences among people. Now I am an AJK of Science and Maths society. In college you have to compete with the geng geng people....in form 6.....erm....people are still geng I guess....but at least there is chance for me. So what I hope is to have fun and carry out my duty seriously and learn some skills in the process.

7. Cibai bureaucrats. I don't know why, it seems like once a student do some bigger-than-the-usual-small mistakes, many teachers will know about it. Like once after I had a verbal conflict with a teacher, another teacher told the whole class that I am arrogant. And I was like WTF?!?! So no need me self-introduce that whole class knows me. >.< I personally feel that, the thing about school teachers is that they are first government servants, second teachers. So sometimes you have to bear with them. (Incidentally in my opinion Mr Kuih makes a good civil servant and I respect him for that.)

The ugly side about schooling system makes me tougher I guess. This is the only thing which I can see that helps me to become more "mature". Maturity to me at the moment means knowing when to give up.

8. The depth of study. PEOPLE ARE RIGHT! Form 6 stuff is no joke. For science subjects, you will study a lot deeper compared to other pre-U programs. However, I know people who did foundation in UTP who studied some sort of IT programs. And Harry and Wenny also did economics for their science foundation at UTAR. So maybe the breadth compensates for the erm....shallowness (LOL)? Not sure about this.

However, although we study deeper, I personally think that the difficulty of scoring is not entirely due to the deep syllabus. Other human (teaching quality) and environmental factors (long tuition time, no time to study if you tuition everyday)have to be taken into consideration. So if you want to do form 6 solely because you want to study more, think twice!

By the way, the lack free time and deep syllabus really test your time management, determination and discipline (to study instead of chatting on line, which I fail miserably, lol).

9. Pengajian Am. And I hate to say this, I think PA is horrible. The way lessons are conducted is horrible, the way the test format is designed is horrible.

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That's all for now. If you're an spm-leaver who came across this post, please don't believe 100% what I wrote withouth checking with others. I may be biased.

Disclaimer : No accuracy of information is guaranteed. The author shall not be liable for any consequence of bad decisions resulting from reading this post. You are the pilot of your own future!

Vibration

I was studying physics when I received an sms from Sayonara.

My arms were on the table, supporting my head. I felt the vibration first because I heard the beep from the handphone.

I think that somehow illustrates that sound travels faster in solids compared to in air.

But then ah hor.....I'm reluctant to think of the vibration as sound, because a sound is a longitudinal wave, and I'm not sure whether the vibration of my table is longitudinal.

I would argue that the vibration of the wooden table is transverse, hence the to-and-fro motion about the equilibrium position pushes the air molecules and produces a longitudinal wave motion in the air molecules, thus producing the "sound" of vibration of table I heard, which is distinct from the beep sound of my handphone.

Why not longitudinal leih? Because u see har.....I put my handphone on top of, and at one corner of the table. If the table is to be set into vibration, then the direction of the vibration of the handphone has to be from handphone to table, which mean the direction is perpendicular toe surface of the table.

My hand, which is at other points of the table, detected the vibration. Hence the direction of PROPOGATION of energy/vibration/wave is in every line on the plane of the surface of the table. I felt the vibration because the medium particles (particles of the table surface) is pushing against my palm (guess) in the direction perpendicular to the table surface.

Since the direction of vibration is perpendicular to the surface of the table, and the line of direction of propogation of the wave (with the table as the medium) is on the plane of the table surface, therefore the direction of vibration is perpendicular to the direction of propogation of the wave, which satisfies the definition of a transverse wave.

Therefore the wave travelling on the surface of the table is a transverse wave.

But of course lah hor...I don't think the explanation is this simple lah....because this time the wave is not linear like the wave in a slinky spring. Suppose I put my palm under the table just beneath the handphone, I can also feel the vibration. Then the direction of propogation of the wave would be parallel to the direction of vibration of medium particle, i.e. longitudinal wave. So there is many individual waves superposing with one another in the table?

Anyway, just because I felt the vibration earlier than the sound of the handphone, doesn't mean "sound" (I used inverted commas because if the wave in the solid is transverse, then the wave would not satisfiy the definition of "sound waves") travels faster in solid, because it could be that I perceived the sound later because the mind gives priority to stimuli detected my the hand, then only the ear?

This is why I think it's important to study Biology. I have a lot to write on this, but my language fails me.

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Kindly doubt and challenge and correct me, after all what I've written is just a guess.

Drama Queen in Becoming

Ok, a quick post before I go to bed. Mr Kuih has been giving me big faces these few days...been late for school a few days in a row, still giving me soft gentle (kapsiao) advice.

Anyway,

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I was so tired today when I got back from school. I went for a nap in the afternoon, and I wonder why is it so hard to have a good nap.

First, the Indonesian maid come and wake me up whether it was me who opened the gate, as apparently the gate "opened by itself". I showed her my WTF face and went back to sleep again. (potential maid abuser here)

Initially I had just wanted to sleep for half an hour, but as the phone alarm rang I decided to indefinitely extend my nap. I was that tired. Then in the middle of my nap, there's people trying to get into my room, but the door was locked. Then they kept pulling the handle and made up so loud a noise that it woke me up.

Furious, I opened the door. It was mom. She asked me whether I wanted to go out and eat with them. Furious, I said no and shut the door.

Then I went back to bed.......and cried........

cry cry cry.........but no tears........>.<

damn TULAN....sleep half wake up = no sleep. no sleep no do homework no study = did nothing !!!!!

tension!!!!

cry cry cry........yell shout throw handphone on floor. (on tilam)
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15 minutes later, online facebook. Spent one hour on facebook. Listen to music loud loud.
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Don't want to eat dinner mother bought. Contemplated whether I wanted to skip English class, and I'm now happy that I didn't.

Thought about going to Alor Star Mall for dinner (KFC), but turned down the plan. Go to xin jie at Spg Kuala....also don't want. In the end I went to a hawker centre at simpang kuala.

Ordered a lot of Sushi.....mmm....spent RM 10.50 only, long time didn't spend so much on one meal liao.....very puaih! (puas)

Eat eat eat, eat fast fast till I'm full. Feel so content.

Then went to english class. Had a replacement teacher. His accent is totally refreshing. Thoroughly enjoyed his british accent.
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言多必失

放学前听小色男问什么“女生的比较大还是男生的?"

我很顺其自然地应：“女生的啦，不然怎样进!”

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haiz.....

结果几个女生--"yor....DeluSion loh!!”

我还在那边“What? It's science!"

要小心。
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Whatever, LOL.

Always be Happy

An engineer and his mathematician friend attended an academic conference on 13-dimensional geometry.

During the break, totally perplexed, the engineer lamented to his friend, "how can you possibly develop an intuition about something so abstract?"

"Oh it's easy!" said the mathematician. "All I need to do is to envisage an n-dimensional hyperspace and then plug 13 into n."

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hahahahaha

受困

昨天英文节和SKN, Chris, Booky 进行了一场很有意思的对话。有一点"cross-cultural dialogue"的味道。（没有这样夸张啦。）

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今天《东方日报》杨艾琳的专栏：

“我们看到危险驾驶时，就说该死的印度人。前面汽车开得太慢，一定是戴头巾的女人(*1)。可是万一汽车抛锚，肯停下摩托车协助的九成是巫裔朋友。公司管理出问题，站出来说话的一般上的（sic)印裔朋友。”

（*1 未必，有可能是我，lol)
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我发现再怎么不满一个群体，比如“他们huan nah"，但只要你把Syed Hussein 当Syed Hussein, Fauzi 当Fauzi, lab assistant 当lab assitant, 而不是一个“马来人”，就什么不满也没有了。

真的是要记得，人人都是人。

(anti-climax的部分我这里就不写了。）
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愿Alor Star居民幸福快乐。（不好意思，我的“格局”就这么小。马来西亚太难“想象”了。）

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Rabbit Gave Up Tonight

Mom, dad,

I can't tell you what's wrong with myself. I can't tell, you won't understand.

I only know I'll become better, and you two will happy see me happy.

I scare I'll look down on myself. I beg for my own forgiveness. I just want to be okay.

I'm going with the flow. I'm just going with the flow.

I am going with the flow.

I am going with the flow.

I am going with the flow.

I am going with the flow.

I am going with the flow.

I am going with the flow.

I am going with the flow.

I am going with the flow.

I am going with the flow.

I am going with the flow.

tonight, I gave up.

I am going with the flow.

I am going with the flow.

No more crying.
No more anger.
Nothing.

I'm going with the flow.

I gave up.
I gave up.
I gave up.
I gave up the old me.
I gave up.

北海的书店

Sayonara:

昨天去了一趟北海 -- 有一些事情。去了那里的Pacific -- 应该是叫Penang Mega Mall -- 我爸爸说顺便买新年衣。说实在的，我不是很有那个心情。我很少会enjoy走super的，它让我焦虑，时时注意自己的走路姿势，担心自己发型的不入流。我期待帅哥的出现，更害怕他们的出现让我自卑。我不晓得你，或“你们”是否能够了解那种矛盾。在冷气房里行走，我双手放在腿旁也不是，放在裤袋里，又好像小学是很久很久以前的事了。我紧张，我要到书店 -- 我只有在书店才能自己。

几件Popular制服从我眼前飘过 -- 我知道我的目的地。路上我埋怨Alor Star Popular怎么没有椅子让人好好坐下看书，唠唠叨叨的，脑里。我也不晓得其他地方的Popular是否有提供坐位，但是我在City Plaza的Popular从来没看过人家席地而坐，边看书。唠唠叨叨的。

左弯右拐的我到了Popular前。眼前的景象 -- invigorating. 它的店面摆设类似我们这里Tesco的，只是书架都没那么高。向左，我去了中文书区。那儿的书不多，但比我们这里多太多了。我看到高行健的作品。（你知道高行健吗？如果你有看报纸或许偶尔会come across这个名 -- 他是不知哪年的诺贝尔文学奖得主。我就知道这么多，还有中国政府不爽他。）我正正经经地把它拿了起来 -- 我也没指望它有多好读。但是我以为怎样都是中文，应该比那《老人与海》易懂吧。然后我又放了回去。

我望见各式各样的书籍分类 -- 心理辅导，文学，马华文学，思想学说，时事 -- 等等。我看到欧阳文风的《同志万岁》，有一叠。看来销量要比city plaza的好多了。然后，然后，我又到摆放高行健作品的隔架 -- 我惊叹了一声Yes! 欧阳文风的《身体社会学》，我想要好久了。好像是中三那年，《星洲日报》连载了它的文章，我每个星期都有看。到了“思想学说”的书架，我看到柏拉图的《法篇》，还有什么法家，老庄思想等。

然后我看到另一本 -- 《费城风云 - 美国宪法的诞生与我们的反思》，易中天著。我读到当年的制宪会议里的争议，谈判，与妥协。妥协。我当时觉得我要买这本书，除了更多了解美国历史外，可能还可以领悟到个人原则与群体认知有异时，如何，妥协；怎样，妥协。

不知道是在什么时候，我走过一列书架时看见一人，他就坐在地上，懒洋洋地，很舒服的姿态看书。我感动。我当下好想blog我有多想坐着抱他然后(censored)。我想拿一本书静静坐在他身旁。你知道有一幅西洋画，据说是那个画家的妻子哺乳她孩子的画面吗？听说那名画家在思索什么是美，他回到家门口见到她老婆喂奶，就画下这一幕。我现在想，美就是他懒洋洋地靠在书架阅读。

后来，我买了那本《费城风云》。排队付款时，我前面的妇人没带Popular card. 她转头过来就当着店员的面大声开口向我借。天，我还是头一次见人借Popular card借得如此理直气壮。我喜欢！

想不到这趟短暂的书店之旅是这么的inspiring. That's why 我想跟你share.


*Hugs*,
DeluSion

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后记：Alor Star真的是不能住。

Suicide and Death Penalty

Just came to my mind when I was waiting for my mother to pick me up after school.

Why the criminalisation of Suicide? If the reason is a religious one, such as that one's life is not his/her own but in the hands of God and can only be taken away by God, then it is inconsistent with the death penalty, because I think it should follow that if only God can take away a human's life, then no other humans can take any other human's life.

Now I can see two cases to be considered:

1. Fuck God. Humans can do anyting they like with their lives or any other's life.

- Then the criminalisation is against this belief. The validity of the death penalty remains unchallenged.

2. Only God can take away one's life.

- Death penalty is against this belief, and the belief is a valid rationale for criminalising attempted suicide.

Therefore, if we are to bring God into this matter, then only either the death penalty or the criminalisation of attempted suicide (Act 309, Malaysian Penal Code) stays.

Since I am inclined towards both decriminalising attempted suicide and abolishing the death penalty, the argument from God is not of much use. Now the next reason to consider is deterrence, which I think is much more complicated.

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According to this article, the "Attempted Suicide Act" has never been enforced in Malaysia until 2008. My recent "official" standing is that laws should be enforced, or adjusted such that it can be enfored or such that the subjects governed by the law could accept the enforcement of the law, or repealed, or at least an official statement should be made about not enforcing that law.

Suppose I believe that the government has a duty to discourage people from taking their own life, and IF the criminalisation of an attempted act deters people from doing that act, then can I accept the continued criminalisation of attempted suicide provided that law is not enforced?

OMG my head....Taking easy way: haiyo....how can deter one? people one die sure can die one la, deter also no use one la.....people already want die who cares you criminalise or not ah.....

ok, problem solved.

Beyond Reasonable Doubt

That my blog has been visited by quite a lot of friends. Some might not even be friends.

And that the blog has somehow interfered with my extra-cyber life, to a certain extent, something I don't approve of.

And I suspect one of the readers is my "new" (half a year) classmate. And I don't like to expose so many aspects of me so fast. By fast I mean he could read my one year's worth of thoughts, my writings, the record of my growth, in just 1 day. (assuming he could that is :p)

I am uncomfortable of the sudden invasion. I was worried if I could write as freely as I used to. Can I write about the teachers? About any guys I like (not that I've ever written one)? Or on my reflection of my attitudes towards bras? (there is quite some story about this, albeit boring)

Then I guess I've nothing to lose right? Haven't a career to lose. Won't lose friends just writing a blog. It might however further strains my network at school, but then, well, it's not like I'm so popular that everybody reads my blog, and if such a case were ever to come true I doubt my blog would be so influential. So there's really nothing much to lose.

Don't ask don't tell don't fuck don't bother don't give a damn.

Write!

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