It Gets Better

I was chatting with a girl friend of mine, asking her about Singaporean lifestyle and guys in general. Since she's aware of my romantic inclination for men, at some point of the conversation we talked about certain issues to which I should pay particular attention if I was considering studying in the Lion City.

Some point in the conversation, I suggested that (straight) women in general should support gay guys for their own good, since they would not want closeted gay men to marry them under societal pressure and be heartbroken when they found out their husbands' true desire. Albeit the persuasive tone of my words, the mood of the chat was a relaxed one. After a few rounds of exchanges, she replied with the following: I support, but no in m'sia.

Then there was a tingling sensation - a very brief free fall of my stomach. I could proceed, now, with an analysis of her statement, followed by a rebuttal expounded with reasons as detailed as I could. That was not what I did.

I was brought back to an old classroom which we used as St John's sickbay in 2008. A guy friend just said, in a cold, rational and composed manner, that gay people should move out to western countries, because "they" already had a community there, which he claimed had not been established here in malaysia. His speech brought my experience of anger to a new level. Never was I so angry even when politicians suggested chinese as a collective whole to return to china. His speech was perceived as a direct threat to me, the only silent homosexual in the room. I wanted to push him to the wall, choke him till his face turns violet, dash out the room and slam the door on everybody. You'd think my blood boiled, but instead it froze over. I was shivering out of anger and fear.

When the female friend said "not in m'sia", the emotional response her words elicited was of a gentler variety. It was not rage, but a slight disappointment. Why, even though we've talked about guys and my sexuality so openly together, she still did not bring herself to accept the gayness in this country? Then I figured out, I was....hurt.

It hurts when you say not in m'sia and tell me to move out from the soil which has nurtured me over the past 20 years.

It hurts when you say not in m'sia, it makes me feel lesser of a citizen of this land.

It is estimated that 5% of the human population is gay. Imagine one day 5% of them vanished out of air. Think about the voices you'll miss, the silence you hear.

We are your brothers, sisters, aunts, and uncles. We're doctors, engineers, teachers, janitors, firefighters and soldiers. We live and contribute to this country and society. All we ask is that you let us.
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She said she began to sympathize with how gay people feel, after I wrote the last few lines to her. So come out, we can make a change.

惊

妈妈今早说她小学同学去世了。

“我也不知道做什么事。还没有打电话去问。”

“不知道什么事。”

她都年过半百了，不知道此事对她有什么冲击。


2. 爸爸下午去KL. 我才知道。后来也才知道他去Setapak, 本来以为明天才去。早知道我跟去，可以跟Harry, Jiie讲Hello一下。

晚上他打电话给我。我看到是他的电话几怕一下 --- 万一有什么事情....

一切无恙。


3. 去日本的亲戚几天前抵返都门，方才到家。突然庆幸他不是去东京。核危机的缘故，尽然也会担心。平时灾难发生我都挺冷血的。

s = ut + (0.5)at^2

I'm not sure whether I should take science, cuz I'm not exactly an original, hands-on, practical, imaginative person.

Anyways.

I was on the ground floor of Alor Star Mall, just about to get into an elevator. The other elevator beside me had just started moving up. The situation led me to ponder on whether the distance between the two elevators would remain (roughly) the same or would keep increasing with time. As the mall was just a 2-storey building, the change in the distance between the two elevators, if any, would not be noticeable. Therefore, in the spirit of Physics ala SPM, I simplified reduced the problem into a theoretical one, that is:

Given two objects at rest on the same point/level of reference. One begins to move with (constant) acceleration a, followed by the other at the same acceleration k seconds later. Does the distance between the two objects change with time?

The paths of the two objects can be modelled by two functions of time, t.
First object : f(t) = (0.5)at^2, t >0
Second object : g(t) = (0.5)a(t-k)^2, t >k

Then, the distance between the two objects at time t,
D(t) = f(t) - g(t)
= akt - (0.5)ak^2, t>k.

Hence, the distance increases linearly with time, i.e. the longer the time elapsed, the greater the distance.

The Point of This Whole Junk

Real-life Analogy
A sad implication of this physical model is that:

1. Even if you are just as good as another person, as long as he (yes i'm sexist!) starts earlier than you, he's going to lead forever, and the gap between you two is not going to stay the same, but will widen as time passes. ("good" analogous to acceleration)

2. To catch up with him, you really have to put in extra effort and work real hard. (Effort analogous to Force.)

3. If you happen to be not as bright/physically-appealing as the other guy, working as hard as him might not be enough, even if you start earlier. From F=ma, you need to put in the extra effort to offset your dumbness/ugliness/other negative load. (negative load analogous to mass.)

4. Even if you are leading in a game, chances are people will work hard and try to overtake you. You cannot be lazy and let inertia drive your course.


Life is tough.

Still Not Dead

Dear Wenny & WenJie,

I had my Toy-Story-3 moment this evening when I was browsing the DVDs at Alor Star Mall's Speedy Outlet.



I saw Doraemon, Pokemon and Digimon movies, and really wanted to buy one. No point buying Doraemon since the comics are better and much cheaper. I was torn between Pokemon and Digimon. The prices were roughly the same. I was particularly keen on Pokemon 2000, since I never understood fully the storyline when I watched it as a child, due to my level of English that time.

I decided against another Pokemon DVD, because it only runs 42 minutes for RM 19.90, whereas for Pokemon 2000, I would have approximately 102 minutes of entertainment at RM 19.90 (or boredom you might argue). Pretty random (or calculative) way to decide on a movie you think? So anyway, I was going to take this Pokemon 2000 DVD, until I saw a digimon movies compilation - 7 digimon movies at RM 16.90, very dai2 (worth it) ahhh!!!!

Exactly the moment I had that thought - that excitement of discovering a 划算deal, I became aware of a loss inside me. Exactly that instant, I knew something inside me was gone. I could no longer enjoy or appreciate a cartoon for it's on worth, as evident when I compare their prices and worth with each other. I even preferred the English version over the Cantonese one, because I believed the English version would help to improve my English. You see, even a simple purchase has been loaded with so many expectations, calculations, considerations..........I suddenly felt, that I was growing up. And began to emo, though in a blissful way. And I doubted I could enjoy the cartoons as I had as a (gay) boy; perhaps I would not feel as excited, happy; I might analyze every scenes, what Ash or Misty just said, how credible was their theory etc....I thought, maybe there was no point buying the movie anymore...

I bought a DVD anyway, feeling reluctant to admit such loss. And I have yet to play it.

Just in case you were still with me, I sticked with Pokemon 2000.

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*Sorry my English.

First Do No Harm

1. Would I be interested in have problems doing rectal examination on men and women?

2. Would I want to see so many women's reproductive/sex organs?

2.(supplement question) Would I want to see so many men's sex organs?

3. Am I afraid of bleeding patients?

4. Am I afraid of needles? (No.)

5. Do I have problems with odour coming from patients' wounds or other discharge?
(I think no la, but not sure what I'd feel if it's on a daily basis.)

6. Do I have problems with long working hours? (Yes! But depends. Yes!)

7. What summore?