Shout OUT!

It all started with this article, which I found totally offensive.

http://opinions.sinchew-i.com/node/13915

After reading this article, I wrote an article to counter that fellow. But my article is published after this one:

http://opinions.sinchew-i.com/node/13931

A very touching article.

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This is my article, which is published in today's paper:
http://opinions.sinchew-i.com/node/13962

潘作意君在〈何須作無謂爭辯〉一文（3月16日《溝通平台》）中給同性戀套上“世紀罪惡”的稱號，在我看來是公然羞辱同志群體。

潘君之〈何〉文完全沒有解釋同性戀何以如此“罪惡”，只是理所當然地給同性戀扣上一頂“罪惡”的帽子，實在叫人憤怒！〈何〉文是反人類共同理性的。它訴諸一己宗教，否定人類理性思考的價值。即使是理性思考的結論，只要在作者看來是有違《聖經》的，他統統都不認同。

潘君還訴諸大眾排斥異己的情緒反應，旁敲側擊地指責“有人寧捨天倫之樂的家庭生活……心甘情願地離棄真理，享受‘與眾不同’的生活環境……”，暗示同性戀與眾不同所以罪惡。全文除了人身攻擊便是一味訴諸一己情緒與成見鼓吹反同性戀情緒，借眾人之勢打擊少數群體。

潘君還反問讀者：“如果這些不法之事可以經得起時間和空間考驗的話，何須靠立法將之合法化？”這樣的言論實在是令人毛骨悚然。經得起時間與空間考驗等同價值上可取嗎？人類各文明中壓抑個人的封建制度佔了幾千年時間，可謂經久不衰，這能夠證明封建制度的合理性嗎？按潘君的見識，或許言論自由，男女平權還有勞工權益等皆是不法之事或經不起時間和空間考驗了，要不然何須在憲法中闡明上述權利，還有立法保障勞工的權益？

將肛交去刑事化(*1)以及合法化同性婚姻，前者是為了讓個人享有更大的自由，拒絕國家機關干涉個人不侵害任何他者的私事，拒絕國家挾多數人之道德觀以“違反自然”之名選擇性提控任何個人；後者的意義則在於提昇非異性戀者的公民與社會地位，讓異性戀者與非異性戀者享有平權。這些，潘君懂嗎？

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*1 Sin Chew edited out some parts here. The original article I sent to them was:

“将肛交（顿号）口交去刑事化，合法化同性婚姻，前者是为了让个人享有更大的自由，拒绝国家机关干涉个人不侵害任何他者的私事，拒绝国家挟多数人之道德观以“违反自然”之名选择性提控任何个人（注：蔡细历先生至今仍未因口交一事而遭提控);后者意义则在于......”
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I contemplated whether I was going to write this article. Sure, I've already got the impulse, but...maybe I should just go and sleep and study physics.....

But then I thought, people rarely responded to this sort of heterosexist opinion. Maybe there are a lot of people who are saddened, or angered by this opinion, but not too many wrote back.

Maybe the impulse of wanting to write back is spontaneous, so everytime when these sort of heterosexist opinion gets published, the probability of having someone to write back is p, 0 < p < 1.

It's just like the question I asked myself when I shockingly realized I'm into erm.....guys. (see, even till now, when i say this, there's still this sort of worry that holds me back) Why me? Why me? At that time I thought there were only at most 3 Malaysians who are "like this". So....oh no....I'm doomed....

Then later, the author of a newspaper column which I had been following came out. That person is 欧阳文风。I knew he was gay from his column. It was a very 感动 moment. A "Good-God-I'm-Not-The-Only-One" moment. So it's important to come out. “走出来，成群结队，我们可以安慰自己和别人的寂寞。”

Then later, I read somewhere on the internet that it has been estimated that 5% of the human population are gay. 5% = 1/20. I have around chinese classmates that time. So I asked myself......c'mon.....where's the other gay guy!! There has got to be another one!!! Taking out me, there are still 19 people.....1/19 is not far from 1/20.....

(Oh, and a classmate came out to me. I came out to him 9 months later. :) )

As my mathematics improved, I eventually came to accept that there's only me among the 20 people. I am the 1 among 20. (of course la, this post could turn into a lengthy post on why my expectations are statistically absurd by referring to the binomial distribution, which I'm not going to do) Taking out me, there's no 1 among the 19. "Statistics cannot be used to argue backwards."

So, since the probability of having someone to write back the heterosexist article is p, and since I already had the impulse to write back, I probably should write, because, I could be the 'p', I could be the statistics. If I don't write, maybe no one would. Therefore I wrote.

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Somemore I kind of hope people will continue to write in and occupy that column for a few days to increase the gay people's visibility.

One person's opinion is deviant, many people's opinion is common sense.

Hallelujah

Weeks before I read about a suicidal attempt of a gay blogger when he was about 17.
Just now I suddenly recalled this song, to which I listened over and over again when I was 16 -- when I was near the end of denying my feelings -- and be sad.

It didn't come to me that time that there were some sexual references in this song, until I read a comment on youtube. Then the lyrics made sense. I feel that the song is describing sex, and not just that, but something more -- something beautiful, so beautiful that he praised his Lord for it; something emotionally engaging(*1) and sad, and the word sad wouldn't do to convey such immense -- loss.




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*1 write like did before =.=

Announcement of SPM 2009 Result

I went to see the juniors this morning.

One thing I had been annoyingly repeating was :

重温记忆可以使自己从过去的枷锁解脱。

Reliving the memories frees us from the shackles of the past. (硬硬翻译过来, haha）

Pengalaman sejarah individual buat kali kedua membebaskan kita daripada belenggu lepas.


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Let me sum it up

Respiration is the metabolic process in animals and plants in which organic substances are broken down to simpler products with the release of energy, which is incorporated into special energy-carrying molecules, ATP (adenosine triphosphate) and subsequently used for other metabolic processes.

The outline of aerobic respiration in eukaryotes are as follows, with glucose being the respiratory substrate.

First, glycolysis occurs in the cytoplasm. Glycolysis the chemical pathway by which a glucose molecule is first phosphorylated, rearranged, cleaved into 2 separate molecules, oxidized and dephosphorylated, yielding 2 pyruvate molecules, a net gain of 2 ATP molecules and 2NADH molecules per glucose molecule.

Pyruvate and NADH produced enters the mitochondria. On passing through pyruvate dehydrogenase, which is an enzyme complex consisting of either 60 or more than 60 subunits, which I don't really remember, pyruvate is decarboxylated (releasing a CO2 molecule) and oxidized (by NAD+, thereby forming NADH) )to an acetyl group, which is bonded with Coenzyme A forming Acetyl-CoA. The acetyl unit then enters the Krebs cycle, whereas the CoA unit recycled for another oxidation of pyruvate. For STPM purposes, the decarboxylation and oxidation of pyruvate is referred to as the link reaction, from the perceived "linking" of glycolysis and Krebs cycle.

Krebs cycle is a cyclic series of biochemical reactions which can be divided into 3 segments:

Segment A : condensation reaction between oxaloacetate and the acetyl group, forming citrate. The cycle is also called citric acid cycle or less commonly tricarboxylic acid cycle for the first product (citrate) formed in the cycle.

Segment B : Citrate rearrangement and decarboxylation. Two CO2 molecules produced per pyruvate molecule that enters the Krebs cycle. NAD+ is reduced to NADH.

Segment C : Regeneration of oxaloacetate.

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What the hell with all the cycle cycle, pathway pathway thing? It is to extract electrons and hydrogen ions from the substrate molecules. The electrons extracted and carried by NADH and FADH2 are released into the ELECTRON TRANSPORT CHAIN, which is a series of membrane-associated proteins. By passing the electron pair from one protein to the next more electronegative one, the energy harnessed from the electrons are used to actively pump protons (H+) into the intermembraneous space from the matrix, against a concentration gradient.

The electrons is finally passed to OXYGEN, which combines with H+ to form water. Now, this is why you need oxygen! It acts as the final electron carrier. Walau A, all this time before studying up till here, I was like --- why the hell am I breathing in oxygen since it doesn't even show up in glycolysis and the Krebs cycle.

OK, so, the proton gradient created across the inner mitochondrial membrance allow passive transport of H+ ions to occur, that is letting the protons to diffuse into the matrix again. Why so kapsiao? Because the protons mostly pass through the membrane-embedded enzyme - ATP synthase. This enzyme couples the reentry of protons to the phosphorylation of ADP to ATP. The passage of protons alters the conformation (3D-shape) of the ATP synthase, thereby catalyzing the formation of ATP from ADP and Pi.

lalala.

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Biology at form 6 level is pretty much still like Greek Mythology.

Summary written based on and with referrence to:
Biology (Eigth edition) (2008), Raven, Johnson, Losos, Mason, Singer.
Publisher: McGraw Hill

Auto-Psychoanalysis

Erm....I wasn't really sure whether I should post something so "intimate" of my erm...private life. But then there's nothing "intimate" about it, so....erm....

So I had to go out to sort out some stuff this afternooon, and there's a Watsons' store near that place, so I went in the store again after taking care of the serious stuff, thinking about buying another packet of condoms.

I'm not having sex with anyone. So you might wonder why I bought the condoms. And then masturbation with condom on sucks. The "big" reason: Just as I believed one should learn about divorce before getting married, I think it applies that I should learn more about the protective measures before having any "real" sex, especially when I'm under the impression that the HIV transmission rate per intercourse is significantly higher among MSM (the acronym for 'men who have sex with men') compared to the general population. I read from somewhere before that it has been speculated 1 among 10 MSM is HIV positive, so obviously it is important to practise safe sex. Why the awkward term of MSM instead of gay men? From what I can recall, it is because not all men who have sex with men identify as gay men. Some of them (or us?) (identity crisis kicking in) also have sex with women while having male sex partner(s). So ya, hence the term.

So I went into the store, and I remembered that my facial cleanser is almost used up. There was this tudung-ed woman who kindly enquired for the products for which I was looking. And it so embarrassingly happened that I gave the wrong name of the product, and thus she was puzzled. But then I managed to find my facial cleanser without much hassle.

After that I went to the back of the store to look for the condoms. There were a few brands on the shelf, but the only one I could recognise was Durex. I was actually thinking of buying a flavoured condom, but there wasn't any available. The Durex condoms on the shelf are, Comfort, Close Fit, Love, Tingling, etc. I can't recall that much. And then I saw some lubes at the bottommost tray - KY jelly and Durex Play, so I decided to buy one of them as well.

Me being me, I chose the condoms like I was choosing for some food - reading the ingredients, expiry date, etc. So I was at the back squatting reading the condom description one by one. One thing which confused me slightly was that Love comes with lube (no pun intended!), as I understand the product description at the back of the packet, but then why is it cheaper than the rest of the condom series? Ok, whatever.

I could sense that the shop assistant ocassionally threw her stares to me, but I suppose that was fine, because I probably would have done the same. What's more with my kiddy look.

And thus I wondered whether I was buying the condoms just to practise wearing it. Was it not because I like the attention paid to me while I was in the store, as I was the only customer in the store then. I'm not sure whether people usually select condoms like the way I did. If I was the exception, then did I intend to create some sort of tension in the store by doing so.

The storekeepers are possibly used to it, but I was not. My attitudes tend to be sex-positive recently, as in I believe sex, as an issue, should not be so "restricted" to certain types of discourse. So maybe I was trying to see how consistent can my actions be with my thoughts.



Still that doesn't fully explain my behaviour. I am currently keen to see my behaviour an attempt to compensate for my lack of my "maturity" on reaching adulthood. You see, there's nothing to brag about me buying condoms, it's not like I'm only thirteen - were I to be then that would have been some sort of achievement ^^ . Maybe it's my insecurity about being an adult.

Or it might just be the coffee.
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Cracked my brain to finish this post, now totally no mood to think about sex.

你是月亮

我最近认为，要正面看漂亮的男生*需要有心理准备。不然，不小心正面碰着，人的抵抗力会被大大削弱。

就像大约一个月前，我在某处不小心地正面看了那位漂亮的男生。啊....顿时大脑瘫痪，四肢无力，天也亮了，鸟语花香，Alor Star地震。（ok, 过头了。）

So那瞬间我的思考反应是---“我明白那首You Are The Moon的歌词了！明白为什么要把人形容为月亮了。啊...."美”原来就是这样。真的是很印象派。（又拿那些名词来乱乱用了）

所以我很感动。就post这个video上来。Muaks 帅哥。



Shadows all around you as you surface from the dark
Emerging from the gentle grip of night's unfolding arms
Darkness, darkness everywhere, do you feel all alone?
The subtle grace of gravity, the heavy weight of stone

You don't see what you possess, a beauty calm and clear
It floods the sky and blurs the darkness like a chandelier
All the light that you possess is skewed by lakes and seas
The shattered surface, so imperfect, is all that you believe

I will bring a mirror, so silver, so exact
So precise and so pristine, a perfect pane of glass
I will set the mirror up to face the blackened sky
You will see your beauty every morning that you rise
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Go search the song lah.

抛柑

昨晚去抛柑。

看样子传统上好像是女生抛男生捞的。我有意见了：

“Assigning genders to the respective acts of throwing and collecting oranges reflects the social expectations for a woman and a man in finding their marital partners. It reflects the passivity of women in choosing their partners, as all she could do is just to BE　AVAILABLE, and such availability is represented by the act of throwing oranges, thereby offering herself to the choice of men. On the other hand, men assume a more active role in choosing their life partners, and enjoy the luxury of choice, as seen in taking one orange from a pool of available oranges. While a man can carefully pick a good orange from a variety, all a woman could do is to throw her orange and pray for a good man."

所以leih hor...我本来是打算又抛又捞的，因为这样的话代表人喜欢我的话，我知道，我喜欢人的话，人知道。Double the chance!

不过后来去那边....cheh.....跟我想象的气氛差很远，所以我意思意思抛一粒算了。
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*Comment lah.